January 2nd, 2013 | Posted by Miss Jia | Posted In Ask Miss Jia

Dear Miss Jia,

I sent you a message on Twitter saying that I might have a Dear Miss Jia letter after I was 100% sure on something and almost 5 days ago, I got a confirmation.

My fiancé and I have been together since high school (sweethearts). He asked me to marry him last Christmas. I was pretty shocked that he even asked because we have talked about marriage before and pretty much agreed that as long as we’re together and loyal to one another, we don’t need a piece of paper validating that. Anyway, we have a pretty active and healthy sex life…nothing too kinky, but maybe a little while before he popped the question, he asked me what my thoughts were on threesomes.

I’ve never been with a woman but didn’t have a problem with being adventurous. After talking about it off and on since the initial conversation, I invited a girl that I met from a previous job to join us in some fun. To say that the night was amazing would be an understatement, and while I enjoyed every bit of it, he and I both agreed that this would be our first and last time.

Well, it seems like the memory of this threesome might be staying with us forever because a couple weeks ago, she text me and told me that she thought she might be pregnant and that she knew for sure the baby was my fiancé’s. Everything was confirmed 5 days ago. If that wasn’t enough drama, I’m starting to think that my fiancé is “okay” with the idea, as he hasn’t said ANYTHING about thinking she should terminate the pregnancy. It’s almost like he’s cool with being a part of her and this child’s life. As a woman who’s been here for years, you’d think he’d be alright with being honest and just saying exactly what he wants, but instead, he almost sighs as though he’s saying “oh well.”

I’m not happy about this at all, and I definitely don’t want to be a part of a child’s life who was conceived in a threesome. But how do you tell a woman that she should terminate the pregnancy or better, how do I tell my fiancé that this is not okay?

Please do not post my twitter name.

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Hey girl! Happy new year and thanks for writing!

You definitely have an issue on your hands with this. Although I ‘hate’ the assumption that folks have about sex and pregnancy, I still have to ask…did he use a condom during this threesome? I know that’s neither here nor there, but considering that you only knew this girl from a previous job, you could’ve been inviting all TYPES of stuff into your bedroom (and subsequently, your vagina).

First, I do think that it’s a little messed up that your fiancé isn’t opening up and communicating anything with you about his thoughts. Having an ‘oh well’ attitude (as you put it) could pose a huge problem down the road. You can’t be that nonchalant when a child is involved, so if he’s not opening up the floor to speak on all of this, make it a point to ask questions and demand answers. Period. Whatever he decides/says could impact you guys’ future, and this would also mean you’d have to make some decisions. Are you going to stay with him and help him to support this baby that, technically, you both helped to conceive…or would you be out b/c it’s too much of an unexpected thing for you to deal with?

Second, there is no way to tell a woman what she should do with HER body. Suggesting that she have an abortion, not knowing her stance on that type of thing, is possibly setting up an open invitation for your face to meet her fists. No matter what your fiancé thinks or what YOU want, the decision is 100% up to the girl that you invited into your home and had an (assumed) unprotected threesome with. I’m definitely not against a little bedroom fun, especially if all parties are 100% in, but when you have a threesome, there are TONS of things that you have to consider, and unfortunately, one of the BIGGEST things is staring you in your face right now.

That’s pretty much all I got on this one.

What are your thoughts you guys?

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