Dear Miss Jia,
I always read your advice emails but never thought I’d ever email you, but after talking to my friends and getting absolutely NOWHERE i figured why not.
I have a best friend. We’ve been besties for maybe a little over a year. We are hardcore real friends. We tell each other everything. From girls/boys to family issues we both have going on. We hold nothing back and even if what we have to will piss off the other off we still tell each other the honest truth.
Jia pretty much EVERYBODY that knows us either tells us we should just become a couple or just have sex we never crossed that bridge. We always tell them no we just really best friends and we are. I don’t trust people at all and I trust him 100%. We both have argued with other people over each other hell I even fought a girl for him. ( mind it we’re young. I’m 22 and he’s 20.. Lol so yes that fight with her was SERIOUS )
Anyways, sometime last week we got on the subject of sex. Which isn’t our of the normal because we sext each other all the time and that’s one of the reasons people go “how have y’all NOT had sex?” but we were sexting as normal and I thought that was it. But no that night we saw each other and it was so different. It was like I was with my BOYFRIEND not my best friend and before I even really realized we were having sex. And.. I can’t lie it was soooo good! And before I use to always joke with him and say his sex must be serious because he have girls hooked!
Now, I’m the fool who’s hooked. After the sex we asked each other if we were sure that we should of done it. We pretty much laughed it off and haven’t said anything about it and now he’s ALL I think about. I have really bad anxiety and the fact that we haven’t REALLY talked about it is driving me crazy. And normally I would send a boy a long text but with him I can’t because he knows me and knows how I react.
My other best friend tells me she’s hoping this makes us a couple because we deserve each other and my younger cousin is telling me that this might be my true love, but Jia I live in the REAL WORLD and yes I would love for us to stand in the rain and confess our love for each other and kiss and I cry… But life doesn’t work that way. And to be honest I’m deadly afraid of telling him this whole time I been having feelings for him because a) I don’t wanna be rejected and b) I don’t wanna make us awkward because if I can’t have him as my mate I want him as my friend. I don’t want to lose him!
Jia pleaseeee give me some advice because as of now I’m freaking out and listening to Tynisha Keli while I’m in my feelings.
Thanks for writing!
I think I have maybe two men in my life who I can say are really close friends. While I don’t feel obligated to sleep with either one of them, I remember when one of them told me once that all men may have a friend that they call a good friend but would still have sex with her if she said she was open to it.
Not sure if I believe that…or even its relevance to this story, but I just thought that I would share.
I feel that since you guys are friends and had that bond long before you bumped uglies, you wouldn’t be out of line in asking him where should you guys go from here. I could imagine that he feels just as awkward as you do. And yes, you’d stand the risk of totally blowing him (no pun) off as a friend if his head wasn’t in the same space as yours, but if he’s as much of a friend as you said that he is, I’m sure he’d take the conversation in stride.
Casually lead into the conversation. Even though you can’t stop thinking about him and his vicious dick game, I’d absolutely suggest playing that casual lead cool. Based on the conversation between the two of you, you’ll be able to determine whether you should ‘pretend’ like the sex never happened or maybe find that he’s feeling the same and wants something more concrete and was just waiting on you to make a move.
Either or, I wish you luck!
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