Dear Miss Jia,
I know you and your readers get frustrated by the run around in these letters, so I’ll keep it simple. My partner (I am a lesbian) and I have been together a few years. We live together and almost two years ago, had a commitment ceremony that made it official…at least in our eyes.
Since we’re both in really good places in our lives, we decided that it was time to expand the family. Of course we could’ve adopted but I felt that since I “play the role” of the woman in the relationship and had good working lady parts (for lack of better words), why not let me have the child?
Initially we thought to ask one of her male family members to donate but it became too complicated (with them wanting to have a lead role in the child’s life), so we decided to go the route of a donor. After working on it for at least a few months, almost a year, nothing happened. I got different tests run to make sure that I was okay and from what my doctor could see, I was fine. We decided to take a break for a while because my SO got orders to leave town (she’s military).
While she was gone, I harmlessly met up with an old guy friend that I use to date many years ago. I didn’t see anything wrong with meeting up with him because I was, afterall, involved. We went and had dinner, did a movie, etc. Day over. The next day, he hits me up to hang out again and we do but the only difference is I slept with him.
If your jaw hasn’t hit the ground yet, please wait for it. During my time ‘kicking’ it with him, I ended up getting pregnant. And I know for a fact that the treatments didn’t cause it because we stopped those a while ago and I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant.
My dilemma is this…my SO comes home next week and I obviously have to tell her. On the one hand, I want to pretend like I had fertility treatments while she was gone and have a ‘surprise, I’m pregnant’ type deal. On the other hand, I want to tell her what I did but that it was only for the purpose of us having the child that we both want. I don’t want to be with this guy in any way. None. I just don’t know if I should tell or not.
Thank you for writing.
Welp, to say that you got yourself into some sh*t (or in this case, some d*ck) would be the understatement of the year.
Allow me to put a few things into perspective for you….
So let’s say that you try to ‘surprise’ your significant other and tell her that you were receiving treatments while she was gone…what happens when ole boy decides that he wants to be a part of this child’s life and comes to your house f*cking up your chi all because you shared a night cap with him while you were involved in a lesbian relationship? How exactly did you plan on explaining that lie to her when it comes out (and trust me, it will. Unless he’s just an ain’t sh*t ass dude who TRULY felt like he was doing your reproductive system a favor and chooses to walk away 100%, this won’t remain a secret)?
I don’t even have anything else to offer you. So here is the summary of facts:
You cheated. And you didn’t cheat b/c you were thinking about your darling significant other; you cheated b/c at that very moment, you had a slippage back into straight life and decided to stay a while.
You cheated and weren’t thinking about the ‘what if I got pregnant’ aspect.
Just in case you forgot how men ‘do,’ please note that the first day that he took you out to the movies and dinner = a date. He was preparing your ass for date #2 and knew (before you did) that he would get some. You fell for it….hook, line and sinker.
And now you’ll have a kid to show for it. You’re not going to like this but you’re going to have to tell her off the possibility alone that he could seriously blow up your spot. Further, if it wasn’t b/c you were lusting for some peen, you shouldn’t have a problem with telling her that you did what you did for the both of you…..right? I mean, how selfish could she be to see it otherwise? /sarcasm
I’d like to feel sorry for you but I just think that right now, you’re in denial about your reasoning for doing what you did. And this denial will likely prevent you from telling the truth about something that could impact the both of your lives forever.