Ask Miss Jia: How Do I Tell Her I’m the One?

Dear Miss Jia,

I’m writing to see if you and your readers could share your expert opinions with me! I feel like I’m literally going crazy over here! Lol. Hope its not too long! I’m just gonna jump right into it, but where do I begin…

So, I have this really good friend who I met back in high school. We weren’t really all that close back then, which I often regret, but there was DEFINITELY mutual love and respect in the midst. Ever since the first day I met her in our 6th hour English class I was hooked. I dug her laid back personality, her semi stud-like appearance and her killer smile, anchored by two perfect little dimples. There was something that I just HAD to get to know more about in her. At the time, I was still trying to figure out my own sexuality and was really unsure, and even insecure about myself as a person, let alone dealing with being a lesbian. Sn: With the upbringing I had, homosexuality is SO a “no go”. Anyway. All during our junior year, I’d be stuck in class with her practically drooling over this cute little African hottie slash transfer student like ALL THE TIME. lol. And I was miserable. Seriously miserable.

But nevertheless, my friend was there, so I dealt with it. Unfortunately, our time together was short lived. She was only at my school for a year. Due to her personal living situation, she was forced to move from city to city on a regular. So, when I found out that when wouldn’t be coming back to spend senior year with me I was heartbroken. I just knew I would never get the chance to tell her how I felt about her since day one. As a last ditch effort to keep a connection, I wrote her a short and sweet little note. It pretty much just said how I regretted not getting to know her more and “don’t be a stranger.” I closed it with a reminder that I’m just a phone call away. Sadly, she never called.

That was June of ’04. To fast forward, it’s now December of ’07. So one day, I’m at work looking out the window at the frigid wind, and what looked like a long winter ahead. And lone behold, who’s smile catches my eye?! To say the least, I was GEEKED!! And come to think of it she was too. We both ran to the door and hugged for what felt like a blissful eternity. We talked for a few minutes, exchanged numbers again, hugged, and parted ways. The devastating part is that she was just moving back home and I was literally THREE days from moving NINE HOURS AWAY! I.WAS.CRUSHED. During those three days we talked non-stop. Caught up on the past few years and reminisced about the good ol days. I was finally able to come out to her about me being gay. She told me she knew before I even did! I guess its true that you can always recognize family! LOL. She then went on to say how she thought I was into her back then too! Please don’t be too hard on me, but I lied. I told her I never thought about her in that way. I know, i know… I’m an idiot! I was just really scared and still had chronically low self esteem. I was just too afraid of rejection and it just all happened so fast! I regretted it the moment I heard it leave my lips! It was the perfect time to tell her how I’d felt for all those years and I had chickened out! UGH!! Anyway, I digress. So, the time came for me to leave. We said our goodbyes, both sad that I was leaving, and that was that. This time we didn’t lose touch tho. We talked pretty much everyday while I was gone. Our friendship grew tremendously, as did my love for her as a friend, women, and over all individual. We talked about everything too. We both were doing our own thing when it came to our other relationships but were always there for each other no matter what. I loved it. Once, she even told me that she wanted to be my “first” and that if she wasn’t in a relationship at the time, it could’ve happened… We would always end our converstations w/ “I love you and good night” which totally melted my soul. If she only knew…

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