Dear Celebrity: Khia

*Please note that the opinions reflected in the “Dear Celebrity” section may (or may not) be the opinion of Miss Jia! In other words….I DID NOT WRITE THIS or any Dear Celebrity letter to follow! Additionally, I am not a letter editor; the letters will, from this point forward, be posted just as they’re written.

Re: Khia Goes IN on Nicki Minaj, Pink Friday

Dear Khia Finch (w/a hint of Kim):

*sips tea* *follows it w/ a shot*

Khia, Khia…Where do I start? To say that I’m surprised to hear from you is the understatement of the year. I mean I’m still reeling just a bit from the shock that you would dare insult any female artist being that you’re only most famous for detailing how one is supposed to properly lick you in a place that none of my male friends would even want to go WITH pay. But since you, someone highly irrelevant in this case, took it there, I guess I have the right to go there on you ma’am.

First off, who died and made you queen…as in literally? While I did rock with you for a brief minute after your first hit single, I did what most everyone else does to one-hit wonders, I forgot about you. Therefore, to even dare and refer to yourself as the Queen, not A queen (which I could’ve let slide) but THE Queen, is not only laughable, it’s a slap in the face to the true queens that exist in any genre of music. To hold that title, you must have done something to earn it, and being that your album sales, which I’ll get to in a moment, have been lackluster, you have earned nothing!

Secondly, how dare you even take the time out to put the okie doke on us and make people believe that you actually went out and paid 13.99 for Nicki’s album. Ma’am, with what money? Though Nasti Muzik (your last album) was better than Pink Friday (yourself proclaimed), it only debuted at #67 on the R&B charts (not hard to do really) and didn’t even peek on the Billboard 200, so you barely sold anything. So again I ask, with what money did you buy that album with??? Chile bye, you know good and well you just bootlegged it like so many others, so don’t front.

But finally, and most importantly, as for your review. I can not and will not pretend that I even read that whole thing. I mean the fact that you took more time out to write a review than to write some decent lyrics…miss, miss? But anyhow, I digress. Again Khia, who are you to critique Nicki Minaj’s album song for song? Yes you are a fellow artist and a person period, capable of forming coherent opinions (fact not withstanding that that didn’t always shine through in your review), but to straight up try and sh*t on the girl because her album did not meet your expectations (however high or low they were) is absurd. I mean what exactly did you have a problem with? The fact that she proclaimed herself the queen or the best, or the fact that she had more buzz coming out than you??? Because I actually listened to the whole album and didn’t come away with the belief that it sucked. Yes I expected something different and a whole lot more Roman’s Revenge-esque songs. I didn’t get that, true, but I got something I could ride to and lyrics I could respect. Excuse her for not detailing how to lick the vajayjay circa 2010 to a tight beat. Maybe she’ll pander to you on her sophomore album…or not. Either way, I just don’t get it and I refuse to entertain this little piece of the discussion further.

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