*Please note that the opinions reflected in the “Dear Celebrity” section may (or may not) be the opinion of Miss Jia! In other words….I DID NOT WRITE THIS or any Dear Celebrity letter to follow!
Dear Nicki Minaj (Harajuku Barbie, Ms Lewinsky, ninja? Or the 50 other aliases you have created to hide the fact you’re a fake),
Please go away….
When I first came across your quirky videos on You tube I gave you minimal yet some credit for basically remaking every Lil Kim, Biggie song..Borderline HORRIBLY. You were a cute imitation, wasn’t really sure how far your “bump curl church bang” lacefront would get you in the industry but hey…We can all dream right? Fast forward 2009 here you are in all your silicone glory! Boobs, hips, a pumped up behind and the bad lacefront to match. Your lyrical style transformed from raw Brooklyn to Lil Wayne’s leftover 16 bars and creepy ramblings. You have choice subliminal words for every female rapper in the game, with only a few mix tapes to boast your superiority. Besides the legion of brainwashed teen “Barbie’s, and “Ken dolls” us educated hip hop fans have a few valid questions to ask since your are the new self proclaimed “Baddest B**tch.”
1. Why does your whole wardrobe consist of latex? Tacky corsets only dared to be worn by sunset strip prostitutes are your claim to fame. You don’t own pants? Leggings for every day of the week….I bet u have a tab for vagisil at Walmart *kanye shrug*
2. Are you really Bisexual? The charisma between you and Usher’s lead girl was minimal. Oprah and Stedmans “sex room” has more chemistry. Besides letting the bald headed beast crotch hump you on “massive attack”…Something’s telling me this gimmick isn’t a personal choice.
3. When will you admit that your “funny style of rap” is really to hide your obvious learning disorder. Your “ YABBA DABBA DOOING” and metaphor styles are remedial. Im actually waiting for you to rap humpty dumpty on your next Young money track. Oh yea please don’t blame Ol Dirty Bastard for your inspiration again..EVER. R.I.P
4. Did you really “penny, nickel, dime, coin ” the phrase “Barbie” last time I checked Mattel did..You better hope the “man” don’t sue that ass..
5. Will you take responsibility for the fact that you’re the worst thing for young black girls since “unemployment checks were discovered by lazy people”… ATTENTION your army of “Barbz” are failing 5th grade.
6. The BIG question: entertain us with this one.. How does your ass shape shift? Do you think the truth will surprise us that much? *sighs* Oh well Tyra’s been lying for 15 years so I guess you’re on the right track
So Miss Minaj… To sum it all up. All new artists go through public scrutiny and your buffoonery is a magnet to it. It’s unfair to self proclaim yourself the “Baddest Bitch” when you don’t even have one album to show for all your preforming, and media blunders. Sneak dissing legends, and upcoming free style rappers won’t get you anywhere but modeling akademiks clothing in XXL..
Nicki..boo.. Step your cookies up! Even “bum bitches” pay their car notes… *coughs* pink Lambo
Photo: Tabloid Prodigy