Open Discussion: Jill Scott’s ‘Soul Burns’ When Black Men Are With White Women

Jill Scott recently wrote an essay for Essence Magazine where she expressed her dismay over seeing successful Black men with white women. Please read what she had to say after the break. Additionally, are there any of who are willing to admit that you secretly feel some type-a way about seeing prominent, successful Black men with women of other races? Why or why not?

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.

Props: Baller Alert

343 comments on this post.
  1. blasianFMA:

    I'm not a black woman, so I don't know what to say. I am planning on doing a video about this, but I need to read the complete article first. I know how people react when you talk about anything doing with black in america. Honestly, right now, I am on some "why should it bother you, you should be happy with your self" type stuff, but maybe after I read the article in its entirety, my feelings will change.

  2. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    It. is. 2010. If. black. women. are. still. mad. about. this. shit. then. I. don't. know. what. to. say. Get. a. life. and. fresh. cracker. Jill. Scott.

    I'd like to point out also that if we were to go through Jill's lineage, family tree, and ancestry I bet we find some white people and victims of the swirl.

    And Princey got my damn icon.

  3. babycute:

    I completely feel her on this but a part of me is also thinking, we have moved on from this especially in 2010. The complexion of a person is just that, colour…it doesn't mean anything when it comes to love

  4. jess:

    I appreciate Jill's honesty. Some may disagree saying "that's all in the past". I only wince when I hear black men denigrating black women as a justification for dating outside their race. That's self-hatred and I don't condone that for the sake of other people's "colorblindness". Those men aren't colorblind because they judge black women by their skin color. Interracial dating will always be somewhat of a taboo in certain segments of society. Lots of people in other races are hurt by it, but people like to place blame on black women (as usual)

  5. Princey.:


    I feel she did a great job at articulating the point she was trying to make, but I can't say that I agree with her.

    Removal from the oppressive stereotypes of slavery and the perceptions of THE BLACK MAN / WOMAN in America that they've so diligently created doesn't have to take place through strong and poignant examples of BLACK love. In fact, I'd go so far as to argue that this desire is more of a crutch many black women, particularly wounded and insecure black women, use to perpetuate and justify a lot of the hatred and vulnerability that still exists within our race and our culture.

    Not saying Jill is insecure. But I'm just saying. It all sounds like new-age victimization to me.

  6. cherie:

    Um sometimes the complexion of a person DOES mean something in love. Many interracial daters make color an issue. The "I only date white girls" or "I only date black men" is a clear example of that.
    Interracial dating still has a stigma in greater society. Why do you think the media terrorized O.J.? His wife was white & he killed her. Had she been black? Look at Tiger. His wife is a blond barbie & he cheated on her with tons of other white women. The media hung Tiger's ass out to dry. Interracial dating is still despised by many. We still have sexism, racism, homophobia, and other forms of hatred in 2010. As far as we move forward, we also move backwards.

  7. #50:

    Instead of worrying about what race someone else is dating, Jill Scott should be more concerned about her own inability to keep a BLACK man.

    0/2 Honey.

    Let that set yo soul ablaze.

  8. K-N:

    It''s not victimization. It's TRUTH. Black women are already denigrated by black men & greater society for their hair, complexion, weight, education level, upbringing, dating choices, unmarried status, OOW births, etc. Not too many other groups of women face that sort of scrutiny both within their community & outside of them.

  9. cherie:

    I'm personally not a fan of interracial dating because it usually involves some form of fetishism or stereotyping (Black men have bigger dicks, White women are more submissive, Asian women are passive, Black women are freakier in bed) etc. I especially do not trust people who only date inter-racially. There's clearly some form of self-loathing or feelings of rejection by their own race that aren't being acknowledged.

  10. Lil' Creole Pimp:


  11. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    So you saying Black men and women were designed to be with each other and the same for all other races? That interracial relationships are not supposed to go down?

  12. cherie:

    That reminds me of this white girl I used to hang out with. She was always saying "black men are better in bed, black men have better bodies" wtf?? I was thinking shouldn't you like "a" black man for who he is as a person!!!! Generalizations are a form of racism. This latino guy at my school used to talk about black women having more ass and curves and I was like Chile Bye!!!!

  13. babycute:

    I'm not disputing that Interracial dating is still a stigma in society, I'm saying it shouldn't be but I've come to terms with the fact that its never gonna go away.
    Racism, sexism, homophobia etc will always exist…..People should just take it with a pinch of salt and just get on with it.

  14. tara:

    I don't really like the generalizations either. Preference is preference but when you say that *nobody* in your race is attractive to you, I give the serious side-eye) *kanye shrug*

  15. Tanya:

    Its funny, I had this conversation with my mother the other day. As a young successful African American woman, I feel as if my chances of marriage are slim to none. The choices of men with good heads on their shoulders are slim to none as well. Then when they are marriage material, they go after white women or mixed women. I dont feel bitter about it, because to each it own. However I look at other races, and its rare that they date out of their own. So I do find it to be a little disheartening when I think of black successful men going for women of different ethnicity

  16. james:

    i am so sick of seeing this on the blogs…which do black woman need blk men to make them happy? why cant people date who they want to date. im sorry but blk guys are never gonna stop dating other races because they are open to other things and exploring their options. Why cant blk woman stop bitching and start doing the same?

  17. ariana:

    Black folks (mostly males) are running to date & marry outside their race. Meanwhile most other racial groups aint checking for black people smh

  18. K-N:

    You're name is Lil "Creole" Pimp so I won't even bother with you
    *sips tea*

  19. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    If you NEEEEEED a BLACK man to make you happy, what does that say about you?

  20. Makeup_Pixie:

    Speaking as a WOMAN, and also speaking as a NATIVE AMERICAN, IRISH AND GERMAN WOMAN. I am in an interracial relationship with a man who is half black and half puerto rican. I know there are some woman and men who set out to date only one race. There are a lot of "white women" who say "I only date black men" and there are also plenty of black men who say "I only date white women".. To me that it a very ignorant thing to say.. To neglect another race just because of the color of the skin? REALLY? I personally, happen to fall in love with a "BLACK MAN". I don't now nor never saw him as just a black man… I see him as my love. And he just happens to be black! Everytime someone whether its a black, white, or whatever person finds out that I am in a relationship with someone outside my race I get all the why questions, always feeling the need to defend my relationship… I hate to say it but I mostly get it from WHITE MEN and BLACK WOMEN…. Not to mention I have had "BROTHAS" find out my boyfriend is black and then try and talk to me.. WTF is that about? I will never truly understand all the pain and hurt that was caused by slavery… I don't claim to have all the answers but, at the end of the day, I love who I love and thats not a crime, I am not sorry for who I fell in love with and its my business not anyone elses… WE AS HUMANS need to focus more on loving ourselves and stop worring about who the next person is SLEEPING WITH, DATING OR MARRIED TO,,, IF IT DOESN'T DIRECTLY EFFECT THE WAY YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE THEN IT SHOULDN'T AFFECT YOU AT ALL…

  21. yasmine:

    I think black women view black men as the pinnacle of masculinity & attractiveness when they're really not. Lots of them are uneducated, broke, committing crimes, not taking care of their kids & whatever else. There are different races of men for a reason. Like that hippo Oprah said
    "Expand Your Options!!"

  22. giselle:

    My uncle always dated white women & they would always talk down to our family & act superior.
    A lot of times when I see interracial couples, the person of color is kissing the white person's ass. It's sad & embarrassing.

  23. bknyc:

    Thats my main issue with some who date interracially as well. I'm a black male and quite happy with my black woman, but I'm not feeling those who date outside of their race because its some fetish or based on stereotypes. If I were single, I wouldn't want a white woman who only wanted me because of my "mandingo dick". I would want to be more than just some fetish for the white woman.

    I know a few white woman who only date brothas or have a strong preference for brothas and I asked them why. For the most part those I asked aren't caught up in that stereotype. They just find our skin tone and the afrocentric physical features more appealing than guys from another race. I'll post my general thought on IR dating in a separate post.

  24. Miss Jia:

    MAD at how you threw the icon thing in there! Shame @ Princey's ole stealin' ass LMAO

  25. giselle:

    Clearly SOMEBODY struck a nerve. You are a *Creole* after all. GET A LIFE. It's not about "needing" a black man. It's about having preferences.

  26. @miss_trice86:

    For most of my adult life, I’ve always wondered why, but never a sting when I saw black men with white women. My mother and grandmother ALWAYS tell my brother that he BETTA not bring a white woman home. I think it’s something that is just passed down from generations past in some families. Everyone wasn’t brought up to see “deeds and not color”. I have also been in the same relationship with a black guy for 4+ years and I’m wondering if I kept running into losers, if I would feel this sting. And ditto to what Tanya above said, you will RARELY see other races date outside of their race. So it just makes me WONDER what’s with the curiosity with some of these black men…no sting. To each his own.

  27. bbkyn:

    That's a nice thought but it's only human to worry about what others are doing. Why do people focus on things that have nothing to do with them like abortion, out of wedlock children, single parenting, etc? People will always worry about how *other* people live their lives.

  28. bbkyn:

    Here we go again. It's black woman bashing time. This was JILL SCOTT's opinion. NOT the opinion of *all* black women smh

  29. Monica:

    Ugh, Jill. I kind of feel where she's coming from, but then again as an adult in 2010 where we all have free will, I would dare someone to step to me and give unsolicited advice on who I choose to be in a relationship with. Maybe her new friend dated 300 black women before he happened upon the love of his life. Maybe it looks like he treats her like a queen, but he beats her unmercifully. Does she know? Plus, there's plenty on black on black relationships that go straight south. Good relationships are a rarity. I'm a 30+ black woman, and I've always dated black men. If I happen to end up dating someone of another race, then dammit that's what I choose to do.

  30. lola:

    I love jill scott! when she talks… she makes sense! and for people who are saying its 2010 why are people worried about slavery… slavery happened do forget…. no other race will let you forget what they went through and in my opinion we went through worse thing then any other race… if youre walking around her saying slavery doesnt still happen so we need to stop thinking about it slavery will sneak back on you.As far as interracial in chicago which is a segregated city.I rarely see interracial dating but when I see it I do stare a them a lil (i will admit) sometimes im like "why is he with her" but then im like i dont know what they do maybe the couple is on their last leg.Girls i dont know what these whites girls are doing but were gonna have to compete… instead of settling for long engagement sand being sister-wives of lil waynes tribe. If we want black men back we have to come back more intelligent or piss them off and start dating other types of guys… while we as black women wait for black men at home realize that we are "really the one"…. we tend to miss out on life and get bitter, while he is having fun with his interracial dating… so dont be afraid to date other people.

  31. Princey.:

    If I, as a black man, want to be with a lily white broad with hair down her back and a to-die-for Nicoise salad recipe, let me be great. When you step up and say "I'M BLACK AND HE'S BLACK, SO WE SPOSED TO BE TOGETHER," it reeks of ignorance. And when you go further to outline a laundry list of reasons dating back a couple of centuries to justify this belief… in the words of that great Creole prophet: "I'm not feelin' it."

    I'm sure there are plenty of men out here who love kinky-haired, dark skinned, thick, GED-doting project queens w/ a litter of kids by different (and possibly, related) men. And plenty who don't. It all boils down to preference.

  32. shanice:

    If you're so sick of seeing this~IGNORE it!! I'm personally sick & tired of being sick & tired of hearing interracial couples whine about facing criticism. They CHOSE those relationships and must deal with the consequences. I'm also tired of mixed ppl being confused about themselves.

  33. waterMu'fuckinjac:

    Man, I'm surprised by Jill Scott's essay. And honestly, I'm slightly disappointed. First of all: There is no way in hell a white man would put their white women on a fucking pedestal. If anything they put their little boy toys on a pedestal.

    This patriarchal society we live in we can thank the white man for. When we were in our prime we practice matriarchy. The Black women basically ran 'ish. The white man eliminated the female principle out of everything from politics to religion. Just ask the goddess, Auset. Dammit!

    And yeah, we struggled together. All the way to the late 60's/early 70's: when feminism replaced Civil Rights. That's when the black women bonded with white women to fight for rights that could've benefited white women only. The fight your caucasian counterparts were fighting was not a black woman's fight. Black men did not have the power to oppress anyone at that time. And further study will prove that is wasn't really for white women either.

    I think women need to self reflect a little more. Why would some let a man that's not successful move in with her, upgrade him, then ends up being left for another woman or worse? I'm remember when Katt Williams said, "You have to ask yourself what is about your pussy that attract ain't shit niggas." It was a little truth to that.

    These days, we black men and women need to stop egging on ignorance. Men have to realize that their is only a few ways to end up when you're thugging: permanently disfigured, death, or incarceration. Women have to encourage men to be more than a thug instead of loving their swag. That contributes to their demise. Bottom line. I know. I got the criminal history to prove it. I did it for you all. Now I'm about to be in all black at devil's hour. FML


  34. james :

    Jia you know how to stir up trouble and put something on your website that is gonna cause a online fight to break out…..besides anyway you dont even like men, arent you a lesbian?

  35. ariana:

    At least you're open to a new point of view. All these other sheeple say this dishonest crap about "it's all in the past, it's 2010" blah blah blah whatever.

  36. bknyc:

    I know a few sistas who share Jill Scott's sentiment. I'm a black male who is quite happy with his black woman but at times I wonder why some of my brothas ONLY date white women or hispanics. I can't really fathom not finding black women desirable or appealing.

    We had this big debate with a homeboy of mine who doesn't seem to want to give sistas a chance and it was based on stereotypes and a feeling towards black women that probably developed in his childhood. Atleast that was my take based on some of the things he's been through and some of the things he said.

    Its easy to see why Jill Scott and many others are tight. I mean historically, the black woman has been down for her man and her children despite what society threw at them. Seeing brothas "make it"(financially and success wise) and turn to other women probably feels like betrayal. Its breeds the thought that none of these dudes would have those kind of wives if there were an ordinary brotha from around the way.

  37. bknyc:

    To play devil's advocate, I have to ask how many of those brothas that we complain about would really get any play from black woman(in general). How many black women really were checking for Tiger Woods or found him that appealing? I heard many black women talk down Wesley Snipes appearance…and Dennis Rodman's…everything. So to that end, many of the dudes who get down with the swirl really aren't a prize catch unless its solely for their earning potential. In conclusion, sistas don't stress those dudes because even if they weren't dating outside, they probably wouldn't be the types of dudes you want anyway. Call it collateral damage. The man whose only into other races just freed you up to date sensible men who would love to have you.

  38. que:


    P.S. What do you think of Vivica Fox saying that white folks should not be allowed to adopt black children?

  39. james :

    and besides who is checking for jill scotts 300 pound butt anyway, weither she was white, black, green, polkadot or whatever?

  40. bella:

    I'm sure there are plenty *women*. Excuse my typo.

    *sips tea*

  41. Keisha:

    As a black woman, I am sick & tired of hearing about black women "up in arms" about our men dating other races. Dare I say it, I'm even slightly embarrassed about it. I know white women have got to be laughing at us and can you blame them? I need for Jill and all other black women in agreement to step into 21st century. My sweet sistas… WE AIN'T IN SLAVERY NO MO'! Move on!

  42. benjamin:

    here's the TRUTH. I'm white and this is what I know:
    white women who date black men are considered WHORES by other white ppl.
    white men who date black women are considered STUPID & lacking in taste by other white ppl.
    white men also view black women as whores. white women view black men as over-sexed animals.
    most white ppl do not view blacks as marriage material & they feel it's "below" them to date or marry a black.
    it's unfortunate but true.

  43. Princey.:

    It wasn't meant to be inflammatory. I was just making a point.

  44. angela:

    Who cares if white women are laughing at black women? Why should black ppl care about what YT thinks? Not all black women have a problem with interracial dating. This was Jill's opinion. Yet again if one black woman says something, it's perceived as reflecting all black women. As a black woman I could give a shit about who black men date

    P.S. Slavery may be over but the consequences of it still exist today.

  45. angela:

    That's right. I just find it funny that nobody calls out those black MEN who harass black women for dating white men. It DOES happen.

  46. Monique:

    I love Jill Scott. I must say i felt that wince myself…I'm just sayin'.

  47. Spark:

    ……All my life I had to fight.

  48. cherie:

    Interesting. I agree with your comments. I've heard a lot of that stuff myself.

  49. Princey.:

    i ain't steal NATHAN!!

    No hard feelings?? I got u on that playdate next week.

  50. hezekiah:

    "here's the TRUTH. I'm white and this is what I know:
    white women who date black men are considered WHORES by other white ppl.
    white men who date black women are considered STUPID & lacking in taste by other white ppl.
    white men also view black women as whores. white women view black men as over-sexed animals.
    most white ppl do not view blacks as marriage material & they feel it's "below" them to date or marry a black. it's unfortunate but true."


  51. Princey.:

    So why can't bruh-man prefer a white chick??

    To attribute your desire for a black man to your personal preference, then turn around and say it's kind of sad to see black men with other ethnicities, which is also a personal preference…

    "YOU SEE ME!!" — The Disconnect

  52. hezekiah:

    Jill is a beautiful woman. Sure she needs to lose weight (like lots of black women) but she's still gorgeous.

  53. shaun:

    This aint just a black woman thing. I know lots of brothers who aint feeling Halle Berry, Garcelle Beauvais, or any of those swirling chicks anymore *kanye shrug*

  54. Tanya:

    Where in my comment does it say I "NEEEEEEEED a BLACK man" to make me happy?!, and do me a favor and please point out to me where I say I'm unhappy. So by you ASSuming, what does that say about you?!

  55. giselle:

    I don't care if a black man prefers a white chick. I just get tired of the "black girls were horrible to me as a kid, black women are loud & angry"
    That crying and whining bullshit is annoying!! GROW UP!!

    P.S. don't reply to my comments anymore

  56. Keisha:

    Oh we all know many black folks still care about what "YT" thinks! Look at how we criticize our black filmmakers and those who put us on television for instance. Black people expressed shame over the recent Oscar-nominated "Precious" …the essence & reality of the film was completely overshadowed all for the sake of what Caucasians will "think" about us as being overweight & illiterate. So yeah, black folks still care about what white people think in 2010. Very much so. That's why the consequences of slavery still exist because some of you folks still allow yourself to be in BONDAGE as a VICTIM for something that happened before our time!

  57. giselle:

    Don't bother with that ASShole and his ASSumptions. He's what I call BBD~Broke, Busted & Disgusted. He's so deep under Becky's spell that he''ll create WWIII against black women smh

  58. mooks19:

    Gotta co-sign Lil Creole on this. It’s 2010. Why can’t people date who they want? I live in DC and I am surrounded by interracial relationships in both my personal and professional life. Indian and Jewish. Chinese/Filipino and white. Filipino and Jewish. African and white. Native American and white. Between the ages of 16 and 28 I dated whoever I wanted, including a Puerto Rican guy for several years, until I met my husband, who happens to be black. I know Jill doesn’t speak for all black women, but I am embarassed by her attitude.

  59. janee3:

    Why should you be embarrassed by her attitude? It's HER attitude. NOT yours. America is the land of free speech and she's exercising that right. Just because interracial couples are increasing doesn't mean they are accepted. Some people believe in preserving their culture, whether they're black, white, filipino, latino, jewish, native american, the list goes on.

  60. BeautyDeBerry :

    Thats the bull right there… you see how you describe ya white woman with great recipes n shit and you describe a black woman as a project ged doting hoodrat babymama…. be ashamed…
    your own words were stereotypical… be with who you want but blame it on love not the physical characteristics of others… smh if thats how you think brother, WHITE WOMEN CAN HAVE YOUR ASS

  61. angela:

    Acknowledging that slavery's after effects still exist today does mean you are in "bondage" or a "victim". Would you say that for Jews who acknowledge the consequences of the Holocaust? Jews of today act like they were affected by the Holocaust even though it happened before their time.

  62. Princey.:

    For the record, I'm gay. So black, white, purple, or Paisley printed, I could give a damn about pussy, period.

    Again, the statement WASN'T meant to be inflammatory. I was replying to the comment about the denigration of black women based upon HAIR, COMPLEXION, WEIGHT, EDUCATION LEVEL, UPBRINGING, HAVING KIDS OUT OF WEDLOCK…. THAT'S what my statement was in response to, and it was merely an example to prove a point. I definitely don't view black women as a whole that way.

  63. denise:

    Off topic: It's confusing to me that American TV shows now prefer to portray minorities in interracial relationships rather than same-race ones. Brainwashing much???

    I'm not offended by Jill Scott's comments nor am I offended by John Mayer's comments. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. Those opinions won't change how people live their lives.

  64. nessa:

    I don't care about interracial dating. I'm not jumping on that bandwagon. I go by the George Jefferson school of thought. Interracial couples are happier because they don't fight. Why you may ask? Well it's because they can't fight. Cause you know if they do fight, somebody's getting called a nigger or a cracker.

  65. Bree:


  66. Cincinnati Diva:

    Since everyone is being honest, I guess I will be also.
    1. It pisses me off when I see a cute black man holding hands with a big-fat-ugly-sloppy-stankin' looking white woman.

    2. It makes my ass itch when I hear black men say that they only date white women because black women have too much attitude, or black women talk too much, etc.

    3. White women wear weave too!

  67. janine:

    Just like it pisses off black men when they see a pretty black girl holding hands with a nerdy unattractive white guy.

  68. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    *sips tea; rolls eyes; snickers; sarcasm*

  69. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    I'm not really "Creole". I'm just a blogger. I like all races and colors and archtypes. I just think you've clearly turned this comment section into a Tyler Perry novel.

  70. Lil' Creole Pimp:


  71. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    Y'all mad.

  72. Lil' Creole Pimp:


  73. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN! CHUCCH! TABERNACLE! *catching the Spirit capital "S" b/c it'll piss some of the righteous ones off if it's lowercase*

  74. Lil' Creole Pimp:


  75. Lil' Creole Pimp:



    OK..I love beautiful people period! BUT sexually have a preference for darker skinned men…my future mate will more than likely be a darker skinned man…dark American, dark African, dark Puerto Rican, dark Jamaican…along those lines…If someone were to force me to accept other than my attraction I wouldn't be pleased. Be quiet and let people like and love who they please…

    Now if these men are dating/marrying outside their race to spite the opposite sex of their race then that's wrong. Frontin' is NOT cool. You've married your Becky BUT you cheat with Yolanda and Keisha and 'nem. FAIL @ appearances.

    My $.02

  77. Keisha:

    Exactly. There's plenty of fish in the sea. You just keep it moving.

  78. J-T:

    I personally have no problem with interracial relationships, but my problem is the certain stereotypes that go with it as to why interracial couples exist:

    -Some black men won't go out with black women, because they assume that they are golddiggers, people who complain too much, or people who expect them (black men) to do so much for them (black women), so they pick a white woman (or even an Asian woman), because they (white women) would do anything for them (black men)
    -Some white women pick black men, because they assume that they are better in bed.
    -I heard from one white woman that she picked a Mexican, so her child would look good, and she wouldn't need to comb the child's hair, which, to me, was a VERY IGNORANT comment to say.
    -Even some black women pick white men (not a lot of them though), because they assume that Black men are uneducated, ignorant, those who have no future, and even sex addicts, while white men at least appreciate them and are doing something or themselves. Yeah, strange, but I have been a witness to hearing someone say that. Even think about Halle Berry, for instance.

    The list goes on.

    I do think Jill Scott makes many great points, and is quite articulate with it, as many have stated before me. Do I agree with her statement? Yes (especially the whole "white women were supposed to be the standard of beauty" thing), but do I stand by it? As much I want to, if I was in her position, and said that to other people, especially where I'm from, they would have thought I was either racist or jealous, but like I said, That's "where I'm from".

    Either way, I still respect Jill Scott, and her point-of-view. Those are words of a "true sistah".

  79. Bree:

    It's 2010, date who you wanna date. I don't have a problem with black men who date outside their race, but I do have a problem with black men who bash black women in the process. I feel it's messy and unnecessary. Prime example I have a family member who refuses to date black women, he says black women are overweight, uneducated, and have too many baby daddies.

    So now he's dating a white woman. She's as big as a house, a high school drop out, and is currently pregnant with another man's baby. He sees nothing wrong with this picture.

  80. Bree:

    Alot of black men are guilty of saying, "Oh BW are this, that, & the the third". Alot Black women are guilty as well saying things like"Niggas ain't shit" and the list goes on. If you keep attracting the same "ain't shit females" and "ain't shit males" then you need to look in the mirror and figure out what's wrong with you. It's a personality trait that's common in all these people that you're obviously attracted to. Don't belittle the whole African-American female/male population because you're a bad decision maker.

    I believe EVERY race has it's duds, and restricting yourself from dating a particular race doesn't change that.

  81. J-T:

    Those *were* words, I mean.

  82. manchild:

    Did Jill say she a "jehovah witness"….oh my damn……those folks aint nothin but
    evil ,they disfellowship even family for stupid shit(for those who dont know what this is
    that means they can not talk or associate with u)…..Jill Scott…….DAMN,DAMN,Damn.

  83. @SitchoAzzDown:

    If this is how she feels, it's her right to. Most folkz have an issue with it. I don't know.


  84. Dutch:

    I feel like Jill Scott's mindset is 200 years TOO late. I see what she's TRYING to say. But chile woo. What year is it? Oh.

  85. Aamir:

    Okay first off all, I understand WHERE Jill Scott is coming from, but I still think her mentality is a subconscious feeling built from the knowledge of her background. Background. At the back. Behind. Before. We are the generation of a new era, it's 2010. We ARE the change the people of the past wanted. For people to still be feeling this way is them wanting to keep brick wall between different ethnicities to stay up, instead of it being knocked down. It's time to break the boundaries and move on. The world has managed to get this far in less than 60 years, and we've done well. Jill Scott is NOT the only one who feels this way, I'm not saying she's a racist but I still think it's an old-fashioned, double standardised mentality. If a white person was to say their soul burned to see a white man date a black woman, even if they had a reason, there WOULD be an uproar. Come on people, get out of that past, it's not there anymore.

  86. dmrivera73:

    Being a half caucasian/half latina–I have some shit to say. Every person on this earth is entitled to have a PREFERENCE. I have always preferred black men, but have also dated white men who have some soul. Aside from race, It is the same thing when someone prefers to date big girls instead of skinny girls. What about people who PREFER older woman as opposed to someone their age. I don't date/marry black men because they are better in bed or have bigger d*cks. It is my preference and everyone has their own idea of what is attractive. Tall men vs. skinny men. Upper class v. Middle class, etc. I am also not more submissive because I am not a black girl. Black or white, if you fuck up, I will kick your ass out. Someone says that black woman are more "freaky". Are you really serious? I know plenty of WHITE women whoe are the biggest freaks on the face of the planet. SInce when does race qualify you as a freak?!?

  87. Allergic 2 B.S.:


  88. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    HOT DAMN, IF THAT AIN'T THE T.R.U.T.H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  89. ...:

    cherie, i hear what you're saying, but i don't think the tiger incident has anything to do with the color of this skin, honestly.. i think it's the pedestal the world placed him on. because the truth is, white people and white media do NOT see tiger woods as african american.

  90. @skrewwdup:

    if jill's friend just fell in love with this person, i don't agree with her. But if he fell in love with her because she is a WHITE person then shes right. The problem is its hard to tell where brothers intentions really are. I think subconsciously even they are not aware why they are so drawn to other races. In the end we should all be able to find the love we desire.

  91. ...:

    honestly, the jewish community doesn't really act like that. at all.

  92. ...:

    benjamin, dare i say you're a troll and probably not even white.. lol

  93. bella:

    "I'm sure there are plenty of men out here who love kinky-haired, dark skinned, thick, GED-doting project queens w/ a litter of kids by different (and possibly, related) men. And plenty who don't. It all boils down to preference."
    CLASSIC (rolling my motherfucking eyes)

    I'm sure there are plenty of men out her who love nappy headed, broke, uneducated, 40 drinking, drug dealers and thugs who drive by shoot and keep boyfriends on the down low. It all boils down to preference.

  94. ...:

    yeah but when you see that pretty black girl holding hands with a nerdy ass white dude, chances are he has a good/stable job and money in the bank. no kids and no baggage, no criminal rap sheet, etc… so black men need to get their shit together before downing a black woman for choosing to date outside of her race, particularly when THEY do it all the time.

  95. Allergic 2 B.S.:


    CUT THE B.S….YOU (& every other self-hating nigger) KNEW

    "kinky-haired, dark skinned, thick, GED-doting project queens w/ a litter of kids by different (and possibly, related) men," IS EXACTLY HOW U SEE

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW *in my flavor flav voice* *smmfh*

  96. bella:

    SURE it wasn't (rolling my eyes)

  97. MsYoung81:

    You have to be very naive to believe that the Tiger Wood's thing had nothing to do with race. It had everything to do with race. If his wife was a black woman it wouldn't have been so big. He wouldnt have lost money, had to leave golf and other things becuz nobody would have really cared. Even the gentleman that hooked Tiger up with his wife made it seem like he wouldn't have gave over the white goddess if he knew Tiger was gonna act like a nigga. Sometimes you have to read inbetween the lines.

  98. sickwitit:

    jill is in her late 30's, unmarried with a baby, she doesnt even have a man so what is she complaining about? i dont want him but you cant have him either? i just read where she said she didnt want to get married again….so what is she doing for the cause? i dig you jill but im so over this redundant ass topic

  99. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    @Lil' Confused Pimp,

    Where in Tanya's comment, did u see "I neeeeeed a black man????"
    An Intelligent mind (myself) would like 2 know???????

    And since you OBVIOUSLY seem 2 have an issue w/ BEAUITFUL women of color,
    then why da f*ck are you even on this site…..


  100. BeautyDeBerry :

    its a sensitive subject. it is irrational to expect black women to just "get over it." I know a few black men that felt some way about Halle and her man…. we didn't tell you to get over it…. Love who you want. There's nothing wrong with having preferances but it is wrong to discriminate based upon race and justifying it with demeaning stereotypes about the race you don't favor. People arent perfect… There are assholes, hoodrats, and walking parasites of every race

  101. @dinastyinc:


  102. Amused:

    Lmao, yall are killing me. By the way, Allergic, the word’s AUDACITY.

  103. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    Well, 4 me PERSONALLY,

    It's not just Jill Scotts opinion!

  104. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    so true!

  105. MsYoung81:

    You could have fooled me. You dont even see how you just put black women down just to make a point. You didnt say that to prove a point. You said it because that is how you really feel.

  106. JON:

    Watch the stupid ass black men come in here and kiss Becky's ass SMH

  107. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    "Maybe it looks like he treats her like a queen, but he beats her unmercifully. Does she know?"

    Uuuh….I BELIEVE that's why she used the word "SEEMINGLY"….

  108. mooks19:

    @ 56
    Of course I can be embarrassed by her attitude – she’s putting it out there for comment, and the First Amendment gives me the right to state how I feel about it. Since she’s coming out of her second failed relationship and now has a child to raise by herself, I hope she opens herself to a good man, no matter how he looks, and spends less time worrying about who her black friends are dating.

  109. Allergic 2 B.S.:


    My thoughts exactly!

  110. Thatmixxchick:

    Word *high fives*

  111. MsYoung81:

    Creole, I think you are missing the point dear. Im pretty sure that if you did go down Jill's ancestry you will find other races in it. That goes for all of us. Just because we are black doesnt mean we all somehow came from Africa. I dont think Jill was saying that she was angry, just disappointed at the successful black men who choose to date other races.

  112. juicycarter:


  113. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    So true & So sweet….Thank you Brotha!

    And if you didn't already have a African Queen, I'd be coming after you:)!

  114. MsYoung81:

    Again Creole, I think you are missing the point. There is nothing wrong when a black man who prefers a white woman. No one needs anybody. Unless you are a twin, we were all born by ourselves and will die that way also. The problem does come in with black women who do not prefer other races. Most black women do not desire to date or marry white men. Im just saying.

  115. ilajak:

    what an ignorant statement to make. when does it ever matter if you're a "fan" of someone else's relationship? im sure anyone in a committed, interracial relationship could give a damn less if you support their lifestyle or not.

  116. MsYoung81:

    Black woman do not need black men to do anything. Most of us do everything by ourselves any damn way. Black woman are always open to exploring other options. To me, black women are more open minded then black men. But why cant black women want black men and only black men. All of us dont feel like we should have to date other races just because when black men become successful they all want white women. We should not stop wanting black men just because they no longer want us.

  117. Thatmixxchick:

    I call bullshyt… comparatively speaking look at the textbook educational series and its coverage of slavery and the holocaust *hoax*

  118. Allergic 2 B.S.:


    Tell us how you REALLY feel about Oprah!

    *laying on my stomach, looking up, w/ my palms under my chin*

  119. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    Too late, that's already happened.
    Just like when those "Self-Hating" bastards Hop, Skipped & Jumped
    2 Don Imus & Howard Stern's defense.



  120. MsYoung81:

    To James and Hezekiah, Are you serious? When did weight become part of this topic? Putting black women down any way we can, huh? Ok. I got you. smh

  121. Trevez:

    I'm not really sure how I feel about this, since I'm not a black female. I do think that its her opinion and she is not the only one who secretly holds this viewpoint. This topic is always going to be taboo until the races are so blended that there is hardly a difference in skin tone. Besides she wrote this for Essence magazine. You know the demographics for that magazine so you can't be shocked that something like this would be in there. This topic can be so one sided. A black male with a white woman is judged but most of the time a black female with a white man is fine.

  122. MsYoung81:

    I couldnt agree with you more. When black women make it, we dont abandon our black men. But at a very alarming rate, successful black men go straight for the white women who they would have never dated other wise. This is the point that Jill is trying to make and most ppl making comments are missing it completely.

  123. EMarie:

    I don't know where you're from but it's not like that around me. Yes as a white woman who has dated black men I am somewhat tired of the looks the " look at that white bitch taken all our men" comments but at the end of the day if you're comfortable in your relationship none of the nasty comments matter. I'm not a whore- nor do people see me in that light so you've completely lost me with your comment.. I feel bad for you. Anyways I see where she's attempting to come from but at the same time can't help but be slightly aggravated by the comments as I feel like its not her relationship to judge.

  124. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    Shut your Step & Fetch, Uncle Tom, "Howdy Sa," White Ass-crack licking ass
    the f*ck up & GO 2 BED….

    W/ YOUR TIRED A$$!!!!!!!


  125. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    COSIGN…..W/ Jill & you!

  126. Princey.:


    I'm the son of a beautiful, strong black woman. My perceptions of black women aren't on trial here, nor do I feel the need to defend them any further.

    So yall can stay mad. Real mad, Marlon Jackson.

  127. MsYoung81:

    Benjamin, thank you so much for your comment. Your last statement is what I think Jill wanted us to understand. Where I live, I see black men with white women, but rarely and I do mean rarely do I see a white man with a black women. If white men dont want to marry black women then who are we going to marry? White men dont want us. Black men dont want us. We are just left out in the cold. This is the point ppl. It is just harder for black women to find mates for this reason.

  128. MsYoung81:


  129. @dinastyinc:

    I noticed weight come up in a lot of comments too, not just these.
    But I wasn't gonna make this whale any bigger than it already is LOL.
    #nopunintended #seriously #dontcomeforme

  130. MsYoung81:

    Co signing to Cincinnati and …

  131. I_hate_chicken:

    Well you no i can appreciate how she expressed her views but being a gay man hell im looked at side eye by black , white, purple… men and women of all races and frankly im tired of everyones opinion in the where you choose to find love at. Im sure if she feels a tinge when she sees a black man with a white woman shed feel the same tinge seeing that black man with another black man…. Im at the point where does it all end. You cant preach move on but still have some sort of feeling about whose dating who what race and so on. I mean if Obama had a white wife i wonder how many people would have not voted for him based soely just on that. Jill hun i love you but girl do you and move on you were no more part of slavery then i was.

    I_HATE_CHICKEN on twitter

  132. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    Why do some people keep saying "I can date who I wanna date, it's my buisness?"
    Apparently, some of ya'll didn't pay attention nor read the WHOLE letter, because if u did,
    then u would atleast be "Hooked On Phonics" enough 2 know that
    she's OBVIOUSLY not trying 2 tell black people whom they should/should not date.
    NOOOOOOO….WAKE YOUR SLOW A$$ UP….That's N.O.T what this letter is saying!

    Any1 w/ ATLEAST a G.E.D can clearly see that the point of this essay, is Jill expressing
    some ugly, sad, but true feelings SHE (& some others) feels about black men & white
    women. That's all it is….She's just doing what alot of people don't have the BALLS 2 do.
    She's being HONEST, that "Yes, it does sting"….

    NO she's not trying 2 tell people how 2 live THEIR lives, she's just HONESTLY
    (w/ no racist intentions) expressing how S.H.E feels….That's all it is!

    GOD D*YYYYYYYMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  133. nyp:

    anyone who feels that other races seldom date outside of their race obviously hasn't traveled much because i see it ALL the time., whether in europe or the caribbean. i understand why black people have a lot of hangups, including jill scott. black men have FAR better choices in the kind of black women they end up with than black women have with black men. a brotha with a high school education could end up with a highly educated black woman. we don't have those same options which is why i stopped hoping for my chocolate prince to come along, and ended up with a man (not black) whose values, education and life goals where on par with mine. i don't have hangups about it because EVERY LAST ONE OF MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS IS SINGLE!!!!

    to me jill's perspective is tired. she doesn't know the circumstances of how and why they got together and actually its non of her business. she needs to stop projecting her hangups and insecurities onto others. i'm sorry she's yet another overweight single black female bitter because that's one less black man for her to potentially get with. my view is that those of us who remain stoically opposed to dating anything other than black will live out the best years of our lives without male companionship.

  134. @GorgeousGeek:

    Honestly as a blk chick… if a black man doesn't want to date blk women…thats him, who cares.
    If a blk man decides he doesnt want to date me bc i'm blk… who cares… his lost
    Simple as that

  135. waterMu'fuckinjac:

    LOL at my typos. But still…

  136. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    And while we're on the subject….Can somebody PLEASE point out 2 me,
    where in the letter does it says quote "Blacks Should Stick With Blacks?"

    As Katt Williams would say,

    "DON'T WORRY, I'LL WAIT!!!!!!!"

  137. waterMu'fuckinjac:

    She's right. Point blank. LOL

  138. LoveMsK:

    Ms. Jilly from Philly head the nail on the head with this article. I know that wince…have felt it before. It’s not hatred or racist to wanna see & embrace Black love/Black man loving his Black woman. We don’t see alot of it on tv or in the movies. I commend her for having the strength & courage to speak tis truth. As a Black woman, I totally concur.

  139. @dinastyinc:

    I was thinking the same thing. But I was reserving my full comments until later LOL.

  140. MsYoung81:

    I love the point you made in you comment. Most interracial dating is based on stereotypes and aphrodisiac reasons.

  141. HiHaTeRs:

    You didn't mean to be inflammatory? Really? BTW, I am being sarcastic.

  142. Michelle:

    I just think the media is trying to cause tension between black men and women to destroy our family unit, and from the looks of it, it's working. I think black love is beautiful, and I won't lie and say it doesn't make me mad when I see that sometimes. But it's usually because the black guy has some smug look on his face as if he expects me to get upset about who he chooses to date. Some of these men had bad experiences with black women as children, and because of this they decide to take it out on ALL black women. I think this Nas line sums that up "You seem to be only concerned with dissing women. Were you abused as a child, afraid to smile, they called you ugly?" And the black men who walk around like that know that's exactly why they do it. It's as if they want to get back at us, for what some CHILD did to them some years ago. It's really sad. But I say we as a community need to heal from these emotional wounds to progress as a people. That's why open discussion is important. The name calling, placing the blame, etc. is only giving the white elite what they want.

  143. Michelle:

    Who said that we cared who you date? I don't care. Lol! I'm more concerned about the black men who try to help destroy our image as if the media isn't doing that enough. My thing is, date who you want but don't put down black women, white women, hipanic women/men in the process! It's ignorant. And it's real annoying. And it's annoying when interracial couples think every black woman cares who they date! I don't care! Lol!

  144. MsYoung81:

    I dont think she ruled out marriage. I think she meant that she wasnt in a rush to marry anymore. Which isnt a bad idea since most rush into marriage without much thought and end up getting a divorce anyway.

  145. Socrates:

    Are you serious?
    Now we're thanking racists???
    Now we're believing racists???
    You're young & dumb.
    Not a good combo.

  146. Socrates:

    I'm a black woman.
    I dated a white man for 10 years.
    Unless we were abroad, I never let him put his arms around me or display any form of public affection, because I know enough about our American history to know that interracial love on public display is easily readable as a form of boasting.
    And I just happen NOT to be interested in boasting about my private life.
    Why is it readable as a form of boasting?
    Because whiteness is still privileged over blackness in this world —
    yes . . . this WORLD.
    yes . . . STILL.
    I didn't want to be viewed as parading my white trophy boyfriend around for all to see and to be stung by. I was in no way ashamed of him or of us; I was AWARE of history and of reality.
    * Jill Scott's sting is possible because "the past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past!"
    (That was some William Faulkner for you all.)

    * Jill Scott's sting does not make her any less fabulous, less strong, less happy, or less whole.

    * In fact, Jill Scott's sting makes her sentient, conscious, and wise.
    Please don't hate on Jill just because — like so many folks today — you've been desensitized & have imbibed too freely of the "Slavery is over" Kool-Aid.

    I, personally, don't hanker after a certain race of men.
    But, as it turns out, the black men I'm attracted to just aren't attracted to me.
    They're attracted to white women.
    The black men who wolf whistle at me and bring me their "yo yo yo, 'sup" game,
    just don't do it for me.
    Even the white men who are "smart" enough just don't pass muster, because they lack that EQ (emotional quotient).
    I've basically mentally and spiritually educated myself out of the marriage pool.
    Fine by me.
    That marriage pool is mucky anyway.

    Anyone want to create a commune with me?


  147. SisterBrownEyes:

    Mrs. Scott has definitely touched on a topic that has been coming up a lot amongst me and my friends. Miss Scott isn't saying that black men are mostly marrying White Women. She is saying that SUCCESSFUL black men are mostly marrying White Women. It could just be me, but… It seems that the more successful a black man becomes, the more he has to acquire certain things to flaunt his success. Bentley, Rolex, White Woman. And most of the time, he was with a black woman when he was a nobody. But just like he traded in his Honda for something more flashy. He has done the same thing with his woman.

    Does that anger me?
    Sometimes… It really depends on the situation. For instance, I wouldn't care if a successful black man was to marry an INTELLIGENT, SUCCESSFUL, White Woman. But instead, it's always some blonde bimbo, with fake boobs and a tan. That's the part I don't get.

  148. @dinastyinc:

    ^ That!

  149. Stoney:

    Let me sum this up for some of you who seem to be missing the point. Yes black men are entitled to have preferences, HOWEVER, when their preference are white women it is as if they are feeding right into "the [white] mans" hands or selling out. White women are considered and sold as the pinnacle of beauty and black women are usually last on the list, so when it irks people to see a black man with a white woman they are seeing it as him buying right into the same system that (he complains about) keeps him down. Now black women may not get as much heat from other black women about dating a white man because it is seen as white men not buying into the same beauty standard they created.
    I really don't have a problem with white women saying they prefer to date black men, although I wonder what triggers than preference, but it do give the side eye to brothas who say they perfer to date white women for the same reasons I listed above.

  150. jetara:

    WOW I need to read the entire article. But I feel Jill is entitled to her opinions.Regardless if anyone agrees or not her feelings are hers. Everyone has a choice in who they date whether it's black or white men or women. I do like the fact that Jill was able to articulate her feelings very well.

  151. kwcnch:

    *DEAD*@ ur comments. @least ur honest, Jill was honest enough to express her opinon 2.

  152. lew:

    Or, ya know, Jill, it could just be that this man's heart and soul connected with a woman outside of his own race. Yes, sometimes it IS that simple.

    How disappointing to know that one of my favorite artists felt the need to publicly express her sad, archaic views on this topic. Sometimes your feelings are better left on the inside.

  153. LadyS:

    I totally agree with Jill and why are people screaming its 2010? What does that have to do with anything. Its really sad how things are in our community.

  154. kwcnch:


  155. lew:

    Honestly, this may have been all in your head. It sounds like you might have an assumption about how white people are and how they feel about people of other races. Think back. Did these women REALLY talk down to you? Or were you being sensitive about something that may not have even been there?

  156. Socrates:

    AMEN, LadyS!

    Just because it's 2010 doesn't mean we as a nation, a people, or a community have moved on from our complicated past.
    2010 is an accretion of our past; it is NOT separate from it!
    What, pray tell, has 2010 done for you all lately that you've built such a grand altar for it?

    And we have a black man in the position of the highest political office in the nation.

    — Do you think I can use THAT fact to prevent the store manager at the high end boutique from following me around the store?!

    — Do you think I can walk around with a "But it's 2010" card or a "But our president is black" card in order to stop racism (and other "isms" for that matter)?!

    Oh wait, store manager! Didn't you know? It's 2010!
    Oh wait, store manager! Didn't you know? The president is black . . . like me!

    So folks are peeing on many of these respondents' legs, and they're all in denial crying, "It's 2010, and it's only rain!"

    WOW. Just WOW.

  157. lew:

    It's not about "not finding black women desirable or appealing." It's about who you happen to meet, who you connect with, and who you fall in love with. I'm not saying some people don't have creepy fetishes, but think about it…how shallow and asinine is it to meet someone you are incredibly drawn to, then have to tell them, "sorry, you're not of my race, so I'll have to break your heart."

    That's utterly ridiculous. Something as strong as love is beyond our control. The world is a big, diverse place. You can't confine yourself to a sheltered bubble to protect yourselves from other races. The races will mingle, like it or not, and "unlikely" matches are made. It's something that you, Jill Scott, and MANY others will have to get over. It's a small and cynical view on the world. Unless we all want to go back to segregation (which I'm sure no one wants), just expect it and try to change your outlook on life.

  158. lew:

    Yeah, we got that. But her feelings are antiquated, and she is an intelligent woman who should know to keep those feelings under wraps. So why didn't she?

    If her intention wasn't to tell others how to live their lives or sway the opinions of others, then what the hell was the point? Why tell the world?

  159. lew:

    Yeah, we got that. But her feelings are antiquated, and she is an intelligent woman who should know to keep those feelings under wraps. So why didn't she?

    If her intention wasn't to tell others how to live their lives or sway the opinions of others, then what the hell was the point? Why tell the world?

  160. kwcnch:

    IMHO, jill expressed her honest opinion, I can't b made @ that. I feel beauty is in the eye of the beholder.I've open myself up to exiperience everything life has to offer and it can come from any MAN. I just don't agree with people who use IR dating as a way to discrimate against other races.

  161. Andy Hodgson:

    Someone's jealous methinks.
    If anything it's a beautiful thing. You're just not getting any darling.

  162. Da Truth:

    So no one has even bothered to ask what the black male friend thinks. I bet y'all don't even care. Isn't that always how it is? I hope he or his wife didn't read this article. Some friend you are Jill. I'd be pissed if my friend wrote an article of disapproval because she got a wince and a sting about my wife for no reason other than because she is white. For all we know, this woman could be the kindest soul in the world, but I get it, she ain't black, so you outwardly fake a smile, then wince and talk about being stung. Thanks for being happy that I found love "friend".

    Jill, you're so not invited for thanksgiving.

  163. Allergic 2 b.s.:


    I wish these retarded motherf*ckas clean the
    sugar daddy out of their ears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    4 the ZILLIONTH time….Her POINT was 2
    show HER viewers (not yours) that she’s not
    perfect….That she too can (unfortunately) relate
    2 those women who (unfortunately) feels a little sting,
    when she sees a SUCCESSFUL brotha (not u
    ignorant motherf*ckas) w/ a white woman CONSTANTLY!
    Which is the TRUTH….9 times out of 10, you DO
    usually c a successful brotha w/ a woman of another
    race. Not that Jill & others r saying that it needs 2 stop,
    SAYING! She’s just simply admitting that (unfortunately)
    it stings her sometimes & she’s also explaining WHY it
    stings….That’s all!

  164. Allergic 2 b.s.:

    And WHY does she feel the need 2 share HER
    truth (again, not yours) w/ the world? Because
    Jill is an “Inside Out” type of soul, meaning
    She’s Real & real people do Real things!

    Not only is she real, but y’all seem 2 4get, she’s
    also a poet & next 2 comedians, poets r the MOST
    honest people walking this planet, so it’s only
    natural that she would express not only the good &
    bad, but the ugly as well, that’s w HONEST people do!

  165. Allergic 2 b.s.:

    Like when SOME white folks unboastfullly admit 2
    having a little racism in them.

    And while we’re on the subject….You people kill me!
    How come when white folks admit 2 having a little
    resentment 2wards blacks, ya’ll say things like
    “Oh it’s cool, I respect white folks who r honest about
    their feelings 2wards me & my skin color. I’d rather be
    around them, rather than the 1′s who fake smile in my
    face & call me a NIGGER behind my back,” but when
    Jill Scott (respect the name b*tchezzzz) comes out &
    expresses some ugly truth of her own (that she’s not
    proud of, mind u), you people (blacks) get all uproar
    like it’s 9-11 all over again!!!!

  166. Allergic 2 b.s.:

    So basically, it’s ok 4
    white folks 2 express themselves (good, bad or ugly),
    but it’s not okay 4 AFRICAN AMERICANS 2 do the

    “Only In America!”

  167. hmmm:

    Okay, here are my two cents. First I don't see a problem with black men dating white women. Just because he is black and has some money doesn't mean that he is a good guy. Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan….I'm sure there is a whole list of rich black men that STAY cheating on their women.

    But I think that black women have a bigger problem. I read several comments that said that other races won't date black women. And I think that, that is true to a degree. (Now some of you will say that you don't want to date outside your race. That's cool.) But what I will say is that our reputation in this country is horrible. And I don't blame it on the black man. I blame black women. IMHO, there seems to be so many of us that are becoming the stereotype. All you have to do is look at this blog and check out the "rapper" blogs and you will see many women claiming to love thug niggas. But these same women get angry when a prominent black man prefers something else. We degrade ourselves and then get angry when someone else does it. We are so concerned about having the biggest ass, shaking it on the dance floor and a lot of us aren't focused on what is important. And so many of us play the angry black woman role. "if that were me I would beat his ass." We were so proud when Tiger Woods wife came after him with a golf club. BLK women were saying "she must be a sista". WTF. Is that what a black women is. A violent irrational creature that can't control her emotions. So many of us have children by three or four different men and act like its not a big deal. We don't do a good job of selecting our mates and the father of our children.

    I think that if we collectively worked on the image that has been put out there about us, we could do so much better in life. As long as we continue to limit ourselves we will never advance. Black men are branching out and dating whomever will date them. That means that black women should start dating outside our race. IMO.

    *I am not talking about all black women. But there are a heck of a lot of us that do the things I said…including me sometimes.*


    Thug- a brute ruffian, thief assassin. This individual is that the BOTTOM of the criminal hierarchy

  168. brooklynfly:

    I think Jill articulated what a lot of black women feel, like it or not. Hell, its even what I think sometimes and I've dated all races of men imaginable I think, especially living in NYC. Here's what I think.

    1) There are more black women with college degrees than black men, or at least it seems that way. So there's already an uneven field of "educated/successful" black women to "black men"

    2) Most educated and successful black women prefer to date black men. This is my understanding from most of my friends.

    3) At this point in my generation though, (I'm late 20s). Most of my black girlfriends, cousins or whoever are open to and/or currently sampling the a united nations of men in their dating experience.

    Some people will always have preferences. Why they have those preferences has many different reasons. Some people prefer people wth a similar education, financial background. Some people prefer people with a similar upbringing or religious background. Some people prefer someone with a similar racial background. The list goes on. But I know when I become attracted to someone..or look to date someone the last thing I look for is what race he is. I've been beyond that for a while. Happiness may lie all over the spectrum. JMO.

    I've been dating a white man seriously for less than a year now and we are talking about moving in together and marriage and have met each others families already. We may not share race, but we share an educational background, values, we want the same things out of life and most of all we love each other. These are the most basic things needed for a happy life together.

    All of this is to say, I used to get a lot more annoyed at "successful" black men with white women. But my soul certainly never burned. Black women are divine and beautiful and I'm sorry I don't know where some of you are but there are plenty of men checking for us (and not just for sexual reasons as people have indicated before). If some man black or white is willing to pass us over for whatever stereotype, self-hatred or whatever is going on with him, then you know what that's his lost. The vast majority of black men still marry black women (well over 90%) so all of this "all hope is lost for black men and black women" meme is really getting tired. Black love is alive and well. And guess what so is all sorts of interracial love as well, and it certainly isn't bothering me either way. Jill is entitled to her opinion but I would never let a few men who may have let their own self-hatred empower their choices make my soul burn…mine is alive and well and flourishing…and in love :)

  169. norma:

    I love you also Jill, but people chose to live their lives as they see fit. I honestly would like to think that real love has the color blinded. However it is alot of people choosing whites for mates. Now day it is specially the sport stars. I have seen and heard it all way to often. How black sport stars will have the black girlfriends all through school, and make the pros and marry the white lady. The black chick stood by his side through all the blood, sweat, and tears.

  170. jonnelleanne:

    emancipated yourself from mental slavery…It honestly embarrasses me when I see a black woman up in arms about a black dating someone of another race. Are we that hungry for acceptance? Because is we are, that's something we need to work on within ourselves. As a black woman, i've dated the spectrum. I'm currently in a relationship with someone of a different race and I don't find that most black men that I know to be bothered by this. I respect Jill's feelings and opinions, however, I don't share them. The way some black women speak, you would think that MOST black men are marrying or are in relationships with women from another race, and that is not true, especially not in America. While I understand that some who date people of other races do so because they feel that race is superior, I don't think that's that case for most people, myself included. My black is beautiful, and so in my Asian man's Asian. Jill needs to find out what it is about herself that makes her have these feeling when she sees a black man dating a white woman. This is more about her than it is about interracial dating.

  171. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    So basically, ur saying that ANY1 who expresses themselves, how THEY feel etc;
    is AUTOMATICALLY trying 2 force their beliefs on them, AND trying 2 tell themhow 2 live there lives….ARE YOU S.E.R.I.O.U.S????????

    I mean, look @ u….You're expressing YOURSELF right now….Does this mean that
    ur trying 2 tell me & any1 else who listens 2 u, how 2 lives? Miss Jia has a website
    out right now ( where she's constantly voicing H.E.R opinion every
    freaking day, does that mean that her hidden intentions r 2 tell us how 2 live our
    lives? Do you REALIZE how idiotic you sound?

    Chile GO 2 BED <—Now THAT is what's called "telling folks how 2 live their lives!"

  172. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    *how to live our lives*


  173. SERIOUSLY?:

    *play her role*…….SERIOUSLY?



    JILL SCOTT'S POINT EXXXXXXXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *woooooooooooooooow (in my flavor flav voice)*

  174. Allergic 2 B.S.:


    Why even bother?

  175. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    Actually, what u've just said is not only true, but I ACTUALLY agree w/ u 2 the
    FULLEST! However, it DOESN'T relate 2 Jill's statement….AT ALL, because Jill is
    (seemingly) none of those things!

    So yeah, I cosign your statement, but not 2wards Jill's statement though.

  176. SMH:

    You deserve a standing ovation… I couldnt have said it better!

  177. SMH:

    White on black hate is racism, Black people expressing the real issue of years of repression at the hands of a culture that has not accepted or embraced black people is not racism. I really do not know what society you live in but it cant be America. Your history is fuzzy because white women were placed as precious beings above the black woman for centuries. There is a real message being sent to black women everyday that they are not good enough and black men escaping to white women does not help the situation. I wish we lived in a world were none of that happened, existed, or mattered but we do not. To then try and dismiss her sentiments, that many women share, as a fade or just plan jealous tendencies is missing the point completely.

  178. SMH:

    Listen, im with you seriously… I was about to tear this statement to shreds but i will just say this… Black women have always been strong and able to handle there's and that never stopped black men from appreciating their strength, endurance, and love up until the 1980's… so why is it now an issue for black men to be repelled by the "strong" black sista….

  179. SMH:

    dont feel that way, it is such a deep rooted issue that hits home for alot of people. Cant solve years of oppression, repression, and seperation in this blog….

  180. HiHaTeRs:

    So you sound very stupid!!

  181. HiHaTeRs:

    Having a difference of opinion should not make you appreciate her as an artist any less. And I think that it is wonderful that she actually took time out to address the issue. This is how she feels. We should all be able to express how we feel freely.

  182. hmmm:

    It really wasn't toward Jill's statement. It was more to the forum.

  183. Socrates:

    No, no, no.

    - Why can't Jill have felt a sting for someone other than herself?!
    - Why can't the sting be about seeing abysmal statistics about black love confirmed right before her very eyes?
    - Why does the sting have to be about something as petty as jealousy?

    Jill is NOT jealous.
    There is a difference between wanting something selfishly for yourself and wanting something for your "people."
    Jill wants black love for her people.
    I don't see anything wrong with that.
    Why is that something she needs to check herself about?
    And there is definitely a difference between being "up in arms" and feeling a sting.
    Jill is not proselytizing to anyone, so you — yourself — shouldn't feel the need to be "up in arms" about her little sting of an essay.

    Jill is lamenting the choices (for mates) that a lot of men make, which persistently leave black daughters of the dust in the dust.
    Why can't Jill lament without your having to lambaste her?

    I date interracially myself.
    But I also feel the sting that Jill discusses in her essay.
    Not because I want that black man (who's dating a white woman) for myself.
    But because I know for a fact that that successful black man would not have ever given me or my equally successful black female friends any kind of consideration.
    Like me, Jill is stung by the CLICHE that is successful black men choosing only to date white women.
    Jill is stung because she's like,
    "Why do all of you successful brothuhs have to be so cliche? Surprise a sistuh, already!"

    PLEASE NOTE: If he isn't successful, there is never ever any sting felt whatsoever!
    I say good riddance to broke and ghetto black men who are with their white women!
    They're not my type anyway!

  184. Simple Truth:

    I don't have a problem seeing any black man with a woman of another race, you fall in love with who you fall in love with. I do have a problem with the black men that say they don't date black women, as if they are better than that. I don't understand how a black man, born of a black woman, would grow up to view black women as beneath them.

  185. Keep It Real:

    The truth is most Black women act like bitches & some of us Black men are tired of dealing with it. Most Black women are always putting Black men down saying “Niggas ain’t shit”. So since we ain’t shit we’re doing you a favor & dating other races so you don’t have to deal with us. Me myself I date women who I feel on an emotional level. Not because she comes from a certain background. When I see Black women with White men I could care less because 9 times out of 10 she’s with him for the money. If Black women spent this much time worrying about themselves maybe they would find somebody. By the way I’m Black & Latino & I date a woman who is Asian & Arab.

  186. Keisha:

    Are you kidding? These feelings ARE racist! She didn't "wince" because the woman was ugly, belligerent, uneducated, etc. It's because she was WHITE…it says so right there in the print. A "wince" signifies that she clearly felt some type of way about the relationship that was unpleasant & it all happened because the woman was white!

  187. WellDamn24:

    I'm willing to read her article, and I understand where she's coming from, but the reality is that people don't and/or marry based on socio-political isht. I'm not going to be with a Black man because I have to support the race. I will be with him because he is beautiful inside and out to me.

    I guess I'm in the "2010: Get over it already" camp.

  188. Lil' Creole Pimp:

    Mad? Jia… Your commenter's crazy.

  189. Monica:

    She used "happily" married to describe their relationship. I stand by my point.

  190. Allergic 2 B.S.:

    Thank you 4 that, because this particular post has LITTERALLY worn me out!

  191. ssa:

    @thedamntruth You many not realize it yet but judging from you words you have a strong dislike of black women…

  192. Hermanita:

    The only time someone gets a side-eye from me is if they ONLY date people outside of their race. I get why Jill feels some type of way about it. It's a popular sentiment, but that doesn't make her opinion truth or even right. I can't help but feel it was irresponsible of her to put this out there for discussion without all the details. She said the man was happy with his white wife – that's all we know about his relationship habits. No where in that essay does she mention whether he only dated white women, whether he stopped dating black women once he became successful, if he fell in a love with a woman who was white rather than a white woman, or what. Regardless, I'ma need Jill to get over her self and mind her own damn business.

  193. Hermanita:

    Hispanic is not a race. I am a black latina. Is it not okay for me to date African American women because I speak Spanish?

  194. Considerate Brother:

    I'm a male that comes from a mixed background. My mother is half Puerto Rican & half Italian. My father was half Dominican & half Black. I was born in Puerto Rico but grew up in The Bronx in New York City. I've always considered myself a Black male, but I don't deny my Latino & Italian background. I kind of see where Jill Scott's coming from, because some men do feel that having a woman of a lighter shade makes them complete. I myself prefer women that are Miss Jia's shade. I'm caramel completed myself. I've dated women of almost every race, but I have to say the roughest relationships have been with Black women. It seems like they always wanted to start a fight for no reason. For example if I'm working & she calls & I don't answer automatically she accuses me of cheating. I'm not saying all Black women are like that just the ones I deal with. I'm currently with a Filipino woman who happens to be brown skinned & we have a great relationship. Sure we have an arguement every now & then, but it's not an everyday thing. I'm with her because I love her.

  195. Sherronda Bohanon:

    Although I agree with stickwitit to some degree, this topic has been done to death and it's startin to work my last nerve…But I have to admit, Jill got a point and I understand where she is coming from.

  196. Anon:

    Your screen name is "blasian" something and you're not black? OK bitch.

  197. DANJ!:

    The only issue I have w/ interracial dating is people who seek out people of other races to 'validate' them or on some kinda exclusive 'i don't date my own race' shit. I ain't feelin' that shit with them 'ohhh I gotta get me a white girl' type niggas, or them 'i'ma date a white boy cause niggas ain't shit' broads.

    Otherwise? Fukkit, play ball.

    Because on some real shit, and I've seen it with my own two eyes, there's some black girls who'll get mad at a nigga THEY DON'T EVEN WANT because he's datin' a white girl. I've also known a white dude who checked for black girls on the regular on some sexual shit, but turned out to be strongly opposed to white girls dating black men… which is basically some ol' 'Massa' type shit. Ey'body should just stick to fukkin' who they're fukkin' and shut the fukk up. Them same people yappin' are gonna live the rest of their lives yappin', all the while wonderin' why they're still single.

    I don't have any issues w/ any of it. If I happen to meet a white girl that I click with, and she clicks with me the same, then that's what it is… same way I would a black girl, or hispanic girl, or whoever. Shit, I'll date a Japanese girl if we like each other. I wish I would worry about what people who don't know me think.


  198. Cheryl:

    Why are people so interested in other people's love lives? Let that dude do him.

  199. Tru2Blk:

    here's the TRUTH. I'm black and this is what I know:
    black men who date white women are considered WEAK by other black women & a PIMP by other black men.
    black women who date white men are considered to be BUSINESS WOMEN and smart by other black women and STUPID by other black men.
    black women view white women as NASTY WHORES. black women view white men as DISGUSTING, but a way to advance yourself at that particular time.
    black men view white women as something to conquer and PISS OFF white men. black men view white men as their competition and they will do anything necessary to win.
    most black people view white people as thieves, manipulators, evil, and devils.
    it's unfortunate but true.

  200. Chicentrix:

    Where do you live in Chicago? Go further north, and it's everywhere, particularly in more affluent areas. I will say that residences are still segregated.

  201. Chicentrix:

    Like lots of black women????? That's not even factual/true.

  202. Chicentrix:

    Black women LOVED Wesley Snipes! He turned on us & sd some horrible things. All of those brothas that say sista wouldn't be down w/ them if they didn't have any money are LIARS!!!!! I bet they found a few. They may not have had the few that they wanted, but they dated, had relationships w/ black women. Once again, it's a cop out, instead of taking true responsibility for how you really feel.

    @BKNYC, 100% – you hit it on the head.

  203. Chicentrix:

    Would you preach & tell these ppl that hispanic nor latino is NOT a race, rather a culture. I get tired of telling ppl this.

  204. Chicentrix:

    Oh, it's not about culture; it's about race.

  205. Chicentrix:

    Slavery went way beyound just an EVENT. It went on for 200 years, including Jim Crow, etc. The Holocast was never diminished. But African/black slavery was. Those views don't go away easily. For some reason, our ppl were hated and looked at as less than EVERYONE else/sub-human – remember 3/5th a persons? Jews were never looked at that way; they were just hated & it once the Holocast was over, they were allowed to eventually live regular lives. Blks are still fighting for equal rights. In Chicago, black communities are still redlined, so that the banks won't give home loans to ppl that reside in certain zipcodes – ALL BLACK.

  206. Chicentrix:

    Check it out – the issue that many blk women have is, if you were down w/ me & I was down w/ you b/f the glitz & glamour, why abandon me now? I was good enough for you when you were down & out, but not now? Also, many ppl made the valid point that if you chose to date interracial, do it b/c you want to or b/c of that person, not b/c "black women" did this or that. It's a poor excuse & hurting us as a community. Even if you date interracially, you're still part of the blk community, so try to uplift it not hurt by perpetuating stereotypes & evil thoughts. BLACK IS COMPLETELY BEAUTIFUL.

  207. ...:

    um he said he's not a black WOMAN. he's a dude, dumbass

  208. ...:

    yeah, it's factual. sad, but factual. as of 2006 – and it's gotten even higher since – 54.3% of black women are considered obese. NOT overweight.. OBESE. compared to 35.7% of black MEN. google it. needless to say, that majority of black women need to lose weight.

  209. ...:

    hispanic is a nationality. not a culture or a race.

  210. ...:

    "black women view white women as NASTY WHORES."

    that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard, lmao.. particularly considering the statistics regarding OOW pregnancies, teen pregnancies, multiple "baby daddies", and HIV rates that surround black women.

  211. ...:

    true true!

  212. mispinkblac:

    COSIGN!!! im in my last year of college and hopefully will be going to grad school for my PHD in biology and I already know my chances with black men are slim. So that commune idea is sounding pretty sweet!

  213. mispinkblac:

    Surely you are referring to a certain caliber of black women?

  214. mispinkblac:

    I second that. i was with my broke as a joke white boyfriend for 3 years because I loved him not b/c he had anything of monetary value. Hell I had more money and success than him throughout the relationship.

  215. bibadiva73:

    I agree with you MP. I have WW friends who are with BM and it does not make me "wince" at all. I get the history, but I think that if two people can make it work, then they don't answer to anyone but themselves. It isn't about the color of someone but the quality of the person and how they treat you. When you limit yourself, you cut yourself off from something that could actually make you happy. I'm a BW and I don't see anything wrong with dating out and having a preference.Whatever the motive as to why two people are together, it is between them and it should not feel as an insult to BW if they see a WW with a BM. Or a B M shouldn't feel they have something to say to a BW who is with a WM. I've dated many different types of guys and no racial group is better than another. All men can lie, cheat and leave–doesn't matter, But when I hear BW complain about not being able to find a good man, I don't feel sorry for them when they say they only want a BM, but other non-Black men have showed interest in them or they don't even want to be open to other types of men. Well, that is their choice, just like it is ours for those of us who date people from other ethnic groups. We are all people as far as I'm concerned.

  216. anon:

    Not true. I have a white bf and black men will give him dirty looks and sasy mean things. Yet they are with women of other races themselves. The problem is these same black men want to have a say in who I date, but they "dont date/ find black women attractive."

  217. betty louise:

    shut up u stupid biych

  218. betty louise:

    go suck your fathers dick u racist fuck

  219. WellDamn24:


  220. Nikki:

    I have mostly white female friends. They date only black men. They have all been beaten, cheated on, given stds, and found out about out of wedlock babies. It is ridiculous. My closest friend has racist parents that tell her she will never have anything as long as she is with a black man. I hate to say it but it is turning out to be true. I think the white women are taking the no-good black men off of our hands.

  221. DaHell?:

    "I mean, look @ u….You're expressing YOURSELF right now….Does this mean that
    ur trying 2 tell me & any1 else who listens 2 u, how 2 lives?"

    I think you need to change your screen name to PotMeetKettle. If you don't get it, than you're not as smart as you're making yourself out to be.

  222. Jeannette Abrahamson:

    I might get shit for this but i'm gonna say it…..MANY Black experience self-hatred, and they project that on Black women.

  223. CamiC:

    I can appreciate Jill’s honesty.I have a friend that has been secretly dating white women(hiding it from his family) for about 5 years now.He claims that is his preference bc he has less back talk etc from white women.I am not happy about it but that is his preference & if he likes it I love it Lol!Some of them were actually nice and others did have the superiority act but at the end of the day as long as you know who you are & you’re happy with your life should it matter?

  224. Darko:

    I don't know why people are painting it as if Jill was condemning interracial dating. It sounds to me that she was simply admitting (not proudly) why it still hurts BW when they see BM with WW.. Well said, props to her for having the courage and strength to admit black women's insecurities — what she and other BW fail to realize it that ALL RACES HAVE THESE INSECURITIES..

    Do you think us black men don't feel "the wince" to see ALL of our beautiful BW in the media (Halle, Zoe Saldana, Sanaa Lathan, Paula Patton, Stacey Dash etc.) with WM? My white friends (all of which date BW) admit to feeling the "the wince" when they see pretty WW with BM as well.. Its about personal insecurity NO MATTER WHAT RACE YOU ARE.

    The only difference is that BW have the LUXURY of scape-goating ALL of their PERSONAL issues on their male counterparts.. BW obnoxiously preach about their independence and strength — yet uses the "well, black men do this… well, black men do that.." defense EVERY TIME. White, Asian, and Hispanic women do not have this luxury of not being responsible for your own character traits and emotions..

    Pretty American black women are so BOOSHIE and stuck-up they will date ANY white guy, but only date a black man if he is an Athlete or Entertainer or has some social status.. Black woman straighten, dye and put weave in their hair, then get mad when BM are attracted to WW and "sellout".. Only to high-five and applaud BW who sleep with WM do to pathetically ignorant hypocrisy and vengeful bitterness..

    PEOPLE OF ALL RACES FEEL THIS "WINCE." Its a personal issue about a lack of confidence in the way the opposite sex of your race views you. Why do BW need an excuse for it like with everything else? The "wince" is personal insecurity, a weak-minded character FLAW yet BW claim entitlement to it. They carry around this bitterness and hate (by choice) and wonder why black men don't want them "must be the man's fault"..

    BW don't realize THE WORLD (especially men) DOESN'T CARE wither your PERSONAL bitterness and insecurities are justified or not.. Wake up sistas. What real, honest, dignified, self-respecting, quality man OF ANY COLOR WOULD WANT AN INSECURE, SPITEFUL, BITTER, EXCUSE-MAKING WOMEN???

  225. loveeachother:

    No matter what color our skin is, in the end we are all human beings who love and should be able to love whomever we choose. Why does it matter to anyone else who I chose to lay my head next to at night. No one else has to be there… I don’t have to live with you.

  226. Jazzy Girl:

    I find Jill Scott's comments embarassing on behalf of black women, and I've actually lost some respect for her. This whole issue is humilating to me because I don't want these kind of black women representing me in the media or anywhere else. Most black women seem extremely insecure in themselves and openly let the world know. Lots of white women are very insecure too, but I feel that black women have no dignity about it and I can see why their singledom is ultra long-term or peremanent. Although, I do think their singledom has ffar more to do with the lack of options due to racism and their place in this society. That's the main reason. Aside from that, men find insecure women very undesireable and they usually leave them quite fast. Learn to be classy, articulate, and demure and most importantly, have your own life and interests. Men don't want to be the center of your life. Also, quit having babies out of wedlock and don't have sex until you've dated a man for a long, long, time. When you start doing these things, they'll put all the effort in securing you, and you won't have to worry about who's dating whom.

  227. Jazzy Girl:

    Furthermore, I'm currently involved interracially (I'm a black woman) and it is very hard because I have to take so much hostility from everyone. Everyone (all races) hates my choice of a mate and they blatantly disrepect me when we're out and about. Although emotionally it's extremely difficult to deal with, I think I deserve to be happy,and I choose to be that way despite the perpetual emotional trauma. If people would be more tolerant and focus on themselves, they might find someone who makes them happy too. I don't want to give white women and black men a hard time for choosing each other, and I hope they don't give me a hard time in choosing who I want to be with. You can't change who people are drawn to for whatever reason. Just because some one is the same race, it doesn't mean they're perfect for you.

  228. anon2:

    I hate woman that say, “black men have it easier cause they can get any woman of any race and its much harder for black women to get men of other races.”So what are saying black men should only date black women cause black women can only get black men? Do you know how selfish and degrading that sounds? I mean thats bullshit if a black man can get a woman of any race so can a black woman so please stop complaining besides theres alot of worse things in life then marrying someone of a different race. And dont give me that bullshit that the media worships the white woman. Black men go through the same shit in the media everywhere you look its always something about Zac Efron or Brad Pitt or Rob Patterson or George Clooney and everytime there is a list of top 20 most beautiful women in the world who is always top 3? Beyonce thats right a black women so please dont give me that media BS cause black men have it just as hard its just we arent as open about it. And i’m not trying to attack any black women i love black women i’m just saying it goes both ways.

  229. huny:

    This article doesnt surprise me, however, once again it saddens me. I have bi-racial kids. And they date from the human race pool. My son perfers chunky hispanic women, my daughters boyfriend is black, the previous hispanice and white, and my youngest likes skinny white boys. I prefer men with darkier skin.

    This article is like asking why do poor men like fat girls until they are rich, then they like skinny girls……….. but really, who cares.

    I prefer darker skinned men. It is a preference, like someone who is attracted to blonde hair, or a muscular man. It isnt anything more than that.

    and word to the wise- not all black men are hung, and not all are good in bed. :) so, yes, some of us just date the human race.

  230. elephante:

    My daughter who is white has exclusively dated black men since 16 (and to date all failures). As with many women in their early years of dating , they often experience one life lesson after another thru dating and then hopfully something is learned. We would hear each time but this guy is differant. Each time he wasn't. We have several daughters( all under 26) and her sisters also date yet they seem to come away from their relationships less burned. Another words they date, have fun and when it's over it's over and they are not led from one drama or trauma to another. Many of the young men dated become friends or at the least bring a smile to the memory of the fun shared in the past. These men have happened to be all white. With the daughter who dates black men exclusively it is very differant and each ends with a similar theme-betrayal, control freak, liar, promiscuity. In these relationships all of these young men had families that did not welcome a white woman into their son's life or their home. In contrast, a reciprocal" welcome to my home" norm was the status quo with the daughters who date white men.
    I use to hold the belief that it is not race but more socio-economic cultural systems in place that attract couples to one another especially in our world today where barriers have been broken through and this generation is more oblivious to "color" in relationships. I think also there is more to it that propels we humans to desire mates of the same color. What to name it escapes me. Something from way deep down from our genetic past or karmic past???. I don't think it's a thing that can be defined as right or wrong- it just is. Relationships are difficult enough let alone adding in the societal and cultural challenges presented when dating and marrying someone of another color. A spirit that holds a deep appreciation for their past generations and family traditions is complemented when shared by another that celebrates such. Gives a richness and meaning to life. How sad to be denied that because of your particular color. Some of us I can't understand why my daughter would choose to align herself to constant criticism or a skeptical eye -which is what she does every time she is in a black white dating relationship. For this very reason it makes me think that her choices for dating black men exclusively come from a psycholical issue. Rebellion, acting out, needing to replay a victim or martyr role . She tells me white men don't ask her out and that's part of the reason . A funny, well-educated ,successful , beautiful, loving young woman and she can't find a date with one white man. So, I conclude for these very reasons she unconsciously seeks out a scenario where she can replay her personal issues- that is the type of guy she attracts. It just so happens she has got a magnet for the black bad boy . She would not be interested and vice versa in a nice black man or white man. . I'm understanding Miss Jia's feelings and think God bring my daughter a white man. I am not fooling myself tho in thinking the answer is she has just got to date a white man, I know the answer is she has got to fall in love with herself first and then the right man will come along.

  231. "white girl":

    im a white female who happens to be attracted to black men more so than any other race. i have dated other races But the men that get my attention n that im most attracted to, are black men. Its not because of the sex or their penis. lol but to me there is just something i see in black men that i dont see in other races… but anywho This article does not surprise me, and sort of does offend me. I can never pretend to know what it feels like to be black But i do know what it feels like when black wome act hostile towards me. (NOT all) but it does happen and yes it bothers me to some point. If im out with the love of my life and the father of my unborn baby, and hes black. I dont need anyone judging me or giving me stank looks. Do i let it ruin my life? no but it irritates me. going through a drive thru with my man and the cashier rolling her eyes, being very rude, and just not doing her job because hes black and im white. i just dont get it. and when it comes to racism and slavery. Yes racism still exist but id have to say i see more hatred from black people than white people. Im not racist so why the hostility towards me cause im white???

  232. "white girl":

    Anyway me and my bf just laugh. its a bonding experience for us. it brings us closer. Its a compliment to me. obviously i have a good man if your mad at me for being with him :) I know i do anyway, but your tongue popping just confirms it. Get a life. Were happy. and in the end if he turned white tomorrow or purple for that matter id still love him, and i wouldnt have a second thought about being with him.

  233. FNH:

    *applause** THANK YOU JILL! She spoke just as I feel. My issue is the brothas. The clearcut "black women arent good enough" — "white is right" attitude. Its so irritating because most of them arent even giving the impression that they are really that into these chicks. Its just easier and supposedly less drama. Bullsh*t— other races have just as much drama if u put them in the right situations. I really need the REAL BLACK MEN to stand up and STEP UP

  234. FNH:

    CHUUUURCH! lmaooo u betta tell it! That was right on point. Those are truly the things we hear in our circles. A white person could never AND I MEAN NEVER debate what we say amongst ourselves. So to whichever white female that want to say thats not true, You wouldnt know unless we told you. You'd be amazed of the things we say about you… same as you say about us. Only difference is… we wouldnt hide it. *APPLAUSE*

  235. Ebony:

    The black men who are commenting sounds so angry. Why? If you disagree with Jill, fine. But some of you guys are expressing yourselves with so much anger and animosity. But then you say that black women are bitter? SMH!

  236. shut up!:

    Come on black women must we discuss this constantly. Damn go to another country you will find better more attractive men then the crappy men in this country that are clearly perverted. You don't have to date outside your race but stop catering to these washed up black men who think they are all that. And the white dudes in America are pigs not marriage material in the least.

  237. suckitboi!:

    Ha and most whites are also full of games,ignorant and are not marriage material. SO put it from both angles white boy. Thanks!!

  238. leah:

    I'm so sick of men giving the black women always wants to start crap excuse. Damn I'm a considerate, easy going, supportive black female who has never started a fight or caused any type of trouble and yet am labeled some "shit starter" b/c I'm black. And I realized that u said not every black women are like I'm not throwing shade at u.

  239. ayanna:

    Yeah Hmm makes u wonder but i could care less about some of them. I found a beautiful Latino man who treats me with more respect then any of these "black men" could. Sorry but it's the truth these American black guys are the bottom of the barrel and very rude so white women or whoever can have them. No thanks I didn't go to college to be some fools nanny/servant. And even when I attend school there wasn't that many black men prison must have been working overtime.

  240. Vivian:


  241. vivian :

    @Jazzy Girl, I like what you had to say. Black women need to get a grip and learn to expand their dating and marrying options. God never told me that I hade to date or marry a Black Man. More Black Women need to travel internationally, if we expand our travel destinations our minds would open and follow, sometimes leading us to Something New. Brother's get it, always have when it came to happiness. Why you ask? They don't let anything stand in their way of being happy and loving who they wish. Black women were taught from birth that we had to stay and support Black Men and the Black community, this is as far as Black Women should ever think about being happy. Those days are gone, somebody should tell the rest of the sista's (especially Jill Scott) that Black Men have gave us our walking papers and we are free to do what we wish!

  242. tom:


  243. sally:

    jill = loser really get a life buy video games read mangas but stop this victimization act its pathetic!!! this is the 21st century stop thinking that all white are responsible for your lousy life and childish attitude and for all those who think like her that aint like that you gonna get black man stop dating white girls!!! and tell me what happens when a black girl date a white male are you still im just saing?? i thought so!!! justifiying your point of view because of slavery? were you a slave jill? were there white woamns beating you up that dates black guy now!!! jesus!!!! im telling this act is overwhelmingly annoying!!!

  244. love:

    yesssss! i know this and im black because we had a huge convo about it in a class i took. its the truth and i appreciate your honesty and the honesty of my classmates in that class. and that is really why i feel offended by black men or even black women that only date white people. how can you cling to much to a race that looks down on you. I don't feel any kind of way towards white people for this but the truth is the truth. thank you.

  245. love:

    yes yes yes! this is exactly how i feel. im EXTREMELY attracted to white men but they just dont want black women. well not regular ones, maybe some eminem wanna bes.

  246. love:

    no i dont agree with this at all. at least not from the black woman. i cant speak on the black man but i doubt that part is true too.

  247. Nation1Sister:

    Go Jill Scott!

    As a black woman, I do understand how you feel, because I feel the same way. Yes, the white men have put their white women on the pestestal. During slavery, if a black man even looked at a white woman, the white man will kill him.Yes, each to his own!

    The white man will always protect his *beep* before he will protect a blackman and black woman. In my opinion, many non-black men (successful or not) is not going to marry a black woman. Many of non-black men who are in power is not going to lose power for marrying a black woman. Furthermore, I have read that many white men do not have respect for white women that's why they go to Asian women.

    Many black women have tored down black men's self-esteem and that must stop. The black community needs to focus on healthy black male and female relationships for the sake of our children. Do you homework and your research for history will repeat itself if you do not study it!

  248. TTB:

    You are an utter piece of shit. This means it cancels blacks out. There will be no "blacks" in the usa either. Just mullato

  249. angel:

    i see wat ur saying…but i dont think u really get it…did u read the part about he beauty standard?sometimes wen a black man chooses a white woman or any other type of woman it is not simply bcuz of preference.many times it has to do with the beauty standard.some of these black men will put women with eurocentric features on a pedestal and treat them like gold.being that ur latina and white u most likely meet the standard of beauty so u really do not know how it feels to be considered low, unworhty, and unattractive..think about that

  250. angel:

    ive been sayin that for the LONGEST TIME! many white women for some r get reason take crappy black men.and so many biracial children are left with no father…just like many black kids are left with no father.

  251. angel:

    when black girls roll thier eyes at u and ur bf just know that it issnt really bcuz they want him…they dont even know him to begin with so how could they wnt him! seeing a black man with a white woman reminds black women of the ugly realities of life

  252. Tina:

    but you see…that 35.7% of black men need to lose weight to.

    Thus and therefore, lets not play the blame game.

  253. Regi:

    Jill is speaking the truth. In American culture, black female beauty is not appreciated. We are just as beautiful as any other race of woman in this country. I don't believe in this idea of preference when black men exclude black women when it comes to dating and marriage. Sad but true, that there are many highly educated single black women. I'm in my late 30's and I feel badly for black women in their 20's. Our men have left us after we stood by them for hundreds of years. We as black women are unapreciated and not loved in this country.
    I encourage all educated black women to save up $5000, even if it takes up to 5 years because statistically most will still be single, and leave America and to live and work in another country. Just pick any country/nation….Sweden, Japan, Italy, Kenya, Finland, Australia, Brazil, Canada, France. Just pick any country, study the language and leave. America has no love for us.

  254. Lyricz:

    EXACTLY "More Affluent areas" black me will be with black women when they are in the hood. but black men who's college educated, with good jobs find Becky and forget tanya he dated before when he was struggling as well.

  255. Lyricz:

    I am completely late on this topic…But I have to say, I am happily married to a black/puerto rican man. I want to say I don't have a problem with interracial dating when it is genuine love. I have black male friends who are in healthy happy relationships with white women and I don't find an issue with it at all. I have interacial neices and nephews and have no problem with it at all. I do however have a problem with it when a black man says "I can't date a black woman" or "I want my women exotic" when black women are the most exotic because we come in all different shades, shapes, and forms, have long, short, curly, straigh hair, we have brown, grey, green and sometimes naturally blue eyes.

  256. Lyricz:

    We are exotic and for a man to say he will not date a black woman makes me wonder how his black mother feels about that! I have male friends who date white women because as my best friend told me "Becky will take me in and take care of a nigga with no issue and I don't have to do much" he doesn't degrade his black women in the least but he keeps a white girl on his team to use. I don't find it right because white or black it's wrong. Love is love and you are free to love who you will but to put down and stereotype your black sistas is fucked up because we get it enough from every one else. Stop self hating your women. Because when you're broke, busted, down and out, A black woman, be someone you're sleeping with or your very own MOTHER will be there to love and support you!

  257. Nicky:

    This is what makes me laugh most about the white women dating black men thing. When white women say, "I date exclusively black men" don't they understand that they basically are saying, "Any black guy will do, it doesn't really matter what he's like as long as he's black."

  258. Andrew:

    I hope your white boyfriend of 10 years finally had the sense to dump your sorry ass. I'm a white guy married to a beautiful black woman. We get negative and downright hateful comments thrown at us pretty much non-stop (mainly from black men) but never once did my wife ever say to me that she wanted to stop displaying affection in public because of what others might think. Pretty much everybody who threw insults at us never once bothered to talk to us as people. Those who did, discovered that we are just two normal people who inadvertently found love with somebody of another race.

  259. nick:

    Regi, it's not a matter of black women being unappreciated, it's simply circumstances and a numbers game. Since blacks are still in the minority in the USA, a black guy is surrounded by many many more white women than black women. Same with white guys. They are surrounded by many more white women than black women. So the black guys date and marry white women and so do the white guys. This leaves black women out in the cold, not because they are unattractive but because of the circumstances.

    Stick a small colony of white people is the middle of Africa and you would soon see the same thing happening in reverse. White guys, surrounded primarily by black females, would inevitably start dating and marrying black women. The white women would get pissed off because the white guys would be visibly dating black women.

    Oh and don't forget that the media is doing everything it possibly can right now to portray the African American male as a symbol of virility, masculinity, success and glamor. So you can hardly blame brain-washed white females for thinking that they have hit the jackpot when a black guy shows an interest in them.

  260. Jim:

    The problem here is insecurity. And it works both ways. I'm a white guy married to a beautiful Asian woman, who used to be married to a black guy. When my wife left her ex-husband, the first thing he said was, "I bet you're leaving me for a white guy."

    At the same time, white guys hate seeing white women with black guys. This is not due to any animosity to the individual but because black men are portrayed as more virile and sexually potent. Therefore, any time a white guy sees a white woman with a black man, he automatically feels inadequate and assumes the white woman is with the black guy because he has a big dick.

    When black guys see black women with white men, they freak out equally as badly, thinking that the black woman is selling out to the more "educated" and "refined" white guy.

    But let's not forget that the most common inter-racial dating is among white men and Asian women. Knowing much about Asian culture now, I know that most Asian women won't even consider dating black guys, while at the same time, it's rare to see a black woman with an Asian male.

    Seems to me that of all the races – and despite our protestations – it's still the white male that gets to sample all the goodies available without recourse!

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  262. WarrenTrenton:

    That's a little self hating within itself.

  263. WarrenTrenton:

    Rather it's demeaning to black men and our seed. You just want half and half kids.

  264. WarrenTrenton:

    Actually it's a culture and a ethnicity.

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  268. ggg:

    "When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic…"

    Seriously?! Maybe that delusion explains Jill's thoughts. Not being allowed to vote, work,…white women weren't on any pedastal.

  269. Laura Mauk:

    I'm a Caucasian and Hispanic woman who is married to a black man. Here is MY perspective:

  270. BlackCaveladdieBrett:

    Like roughly 80% of black broads,Jill Scott need to lose about 100 lb.-AT LEAST!!!!!-and stop wor-
    rying about us life-size Brett dolls'-in my case,a boyishly handsome,58-year-old black Canadian lad said by a lot of-buxom blonde babes between 28 and 42-to look like a handsome black cowboy in my Wranglers AND LAY IT DOWN BUT GOOD OUT OF THEM!!!!

  271. omar pryor:

    Hey jill I like what you said as slavey I understand but we have to move on this is satan makeing people be racess we are brought up to be love not to hate or that guy is going out with a white girl we should be happy for that person jehovah God is not partial no should we have to love because I love some white women and black women and asian women and other race it dont madder as long as you love him or her.i like you jill I like your movies to and music keep serving jehovah ok

  272. omar pryor:

    Hey jill if you need to talk to some one just call me as a brother 561-932-4196 you are a bright sister and dont forget that. That girl might make him happy then any body could so lets be happy for him that probley was your best friend and you wish that was you so dont be hateing girl keep doing your thing sis tell janet jackson I said hi ok keep serving jehovah sis I wish I was in actor or modeling peace keep loving your brother omar pryor.

  273. omar pryor:

    jill you seem like a nice sister I understand what your saying but we cant go back an change things we have to leave it alone we have to love every race because its not people its satan that makes people hate each other but we are tough to love people we cant let other race get to us we have love because I love me some black women and white women and asian women jehovah is not partial and we should not either love you sister jill scott I watch you on tv and movies and music and I like your work your a bright woman keep it up sis

  274. David Banner:

    I disagree completely. My fiancee is Asian. For me, it's a compatibility issue. I'm simply not compatible to most of the black women I've ever encountered. In fact, none of them. I'm half black and half hispanic. I can say the same thing about hispanic women too. I could go out and search the entire country looking for Mrs. Black Right or Mrs. Hispanic Right or hell even Mrs. Hispanic/Black right (wouldn't that be great) but the truth is, I'm very culturally diverse. I want to travel the world. Live in Italy for a couple years. Maybe Africa and Spain a little. Tour France, and frequent Alaska. Add that to the fact that I am into fine art, jazz, and creating art of my own, there are very few women that I've met in my race that get me or are compatible with me. That's just it. And I've dated several who I thought may have been, but as time went on we wanted different things. I first became friends with my now fiancee who is Asian and literally, little by little, everything that I had planned for my life was identical to hers. She wanted to travel, she enjoys making music, she came from a poor family but is taking strides to do better with her life. So am I. Hell, we even sleep the same way in the bed. Many couples are night and day, hot and cold. Her and I are on the same wave lengths on every level. Even when it comes to religion. Her father is a Christian minister and I was raised as a Christian. She loves kids and is a Teacher. It's literally like God brought her to me and the funny thing is, the way that we met was an accident. She was giving a speech and I happened to enter the wrong room where she was speaking. What she was speaking about at that time was culture, love, and how "not settling" for someone who is not right for you is the best decision you can make in order to lead a happier life. From that point on, because I knew we were culturally different, I sought a friendship with her. I was really only interested in getting to know her on a friendship level (especially because I was just sure she was already taken but she wasn't) We talked and hung up for a good while and learned so much about each other it was just crazy all the things we had in common and eventually we decided to date and the rest is history. — No, I didn't have a ulterior motive. No I didn't date her because I have some sort of problem with black and hispanic women, I chose her because she was like no other woman I had ever met. She was as close to perfection as I could get. If you're suggesting that because she's not black I ignore all of those things then I proudly accept any label you want to give me because I love her and this is the woman I'll be with forever.

  275. Miss Jia:

    You wrote this thesis to basically say you don't like hispanic or black women b/c they're not 'cultured' enough? Sounds like another excuse to me. But good luck with your asian girl.

  276. nessaboo:

    I don't understand why what anyone else does with their personal life would bother someone. She doesn't have to live with it. I'm sure she has a preference in men, she wouldn't want anyone knocking that and I'm sure she wouldn't care if the did anyway. IDK, this just sounds stupid. Her soul burns? Really, is it that serious? It's 2012, Jill. For real? Worry about your life, not what someone else is doing. That's not just for her, that goes for everyone. Things like this almost sound like jealousy. Not saying it is, just sounds like it to me. I could say more, but I digress. :l

  277. nessaboo:

    Didn't realize how old this was. LMAO!!

  278. saideve:

    I understand the feelings that Jill Scott describes and I am white (albeit not from an English speaking country originally). I also feel a bit let down when I meet a man of my ethnic group who has married a foreigner. It's not racism, its more about projection, I think. I can't understand why he would want someone who is so different than him, where your own kind appears to me to be more comforting. Of course, I understand that isn't the case, but those thoughts cross my mind.

    But with black women, I think there are also serious negative impressions that both White America and even some black men have fed into. I don't want to go through the whole thing (you can read my article on it if you want here:… ) but I think that the bottom line is that there is an overall lack of understanding and respect for black women.

  279. saideve:

    Negative impressions about a group of people often stem from things we don't even notice. The problem is we make generalities. In other words economic class often has alot to do with defining the behavior of a group regardless of race. Often it's a lack of understanding that leads people to make generalizations and then conclusions like "I only date white women." And in the end people just can't find a way to identify with a minority group and therefore don't know what it means to respect them. (I have an article about this if anyone cares to read it :

  280. mrsred:

    Jill made some valid points regarding the history of how blacks were viewed since being brought to this country to serve as slaves. Anyone who does not want to agree with the validity of her points obviously has not been properly educated on US History. I know some black women who try to only date white men and the white men tell them how they are infactuated with black women, or just want to see what it is about. The same thing went on during slavery. Black women were considered property and the masters would force them to become their sex slaves as well; while insuring that black men could not act as men and protect their women. I have had some white guys who have also only wanted to talk to me because they wanted to "see what dating a black woman was all about." I am a highly educated black woman (physician) who wouldn't even waste my time playing such games. I am happily married to a successful black man with a family. I do agree with Jill's point that most of the time when guys get a little bit of money or see success coming in their future, they can kick that black girl to the curb because they will find an excuse to be single; yet shortly after will become involved and married to a woman of another race. I am in no way racist, might I mention. I have white girlfriends who tell me they just mess with black men because they give them whatever they want and because they want to have sex with them. You also have to remember that black boys started dating white girls back in the early 1900s. Blacks in that time usually grew up highly religious and black girls were raised to wait to have sex until they were married. White girls on the other hand, sometimes did not grow up in that culture and would willingly have sex with people before marriage. My grandfather was a historian and I learned this many years ago. This is why you never heard of black people having diseases such as genital herpes and genital warts until this type of desegregation began, just to get technical.

    And for that idiot that said that HIV comes with black women, it is called STATISTICS. If you took any college classes you would know data can be manipulated as a person wants to use it. If you want to know the truth about AIDS and HIV, the media won't tell you that the largest carrier for the disease is truly Asians and Indians; the same people who many men run to instead of looking at our successful black women for potential dates.

    Also, white women tend to put up and tolerate things that us black women just will not put up with! In my area, I see a lot of interracial couples where the "brother" does not work, is not actively searching for employment, is not educated, does not have a vehicle, does not have a place of his own, and does not have any assets nor short term or long term goals. Yet, he has a white woman on his arm that he drops off to work, drives her car all day, is not a positive father figure to her child(ren), and she pays for everything. Many black women will not tolerate such nonsense! Point, blank, period! So a lot of times white women can GLADLY have our leftovers!

  281. kami:

    Didn't black men have the power to oppress black women in their own household though?

  282. Acappellla:

    Wooo I missed this article but WOO man you are right Shanice ENTIRELY. If mixed couples don't want that attention of ppl being pissed or WHATEVER.. THEN STOP!!

    That is EXACTLY what I did. I hated White women giving me dirty looks AND Black men shaking their heads. The shit don't just go one way. And MIXED KIDS are reeeeeaaaally not together culturally. And I have one so I know!! You have to go out of your way to make sure they don't think of themselves as better or worse than someone else ethically because the world puts these things out. So anyway, its a true statement period.

  283. Acappellla:

    What a thoughtful and true statement! Is rare that I hear White women speak this kind of truth although I have met some that know this. This may sound bad but I honestly think some Black men SHOULD be with White women. lol. I have dated those that have said, "I usually don't date Black women" and they think this is a compliment. ?? But soon into the relationship I completely understand and think yeah you need to get you a White girl because I'm not feelin you for whatever reason. Usually is because they're just not deep enough and into simulation and can't get real with who they are or others. And truthfully I have met some racist Black men and racist White women who exclusively DATE THE OTHER RACE. lol. Twisted!! And then they have children and ooooooooooooooo its all bad.

  284. Maria:

    I don't even know what to say to you. I mean, damn, how small minded can you be? You think Black people were the only ones to go through slavery? I'm 100% european, so I will never know what your ancestors went through, but neither will you in it's entirity. Have you ever asked yourself where the word "slave" comes from? It's after the Slavic people, my people, who were sold into slavery for centuries. This happened many centuries ago and the wounds are not as fresh as those in the African American community in the US. And before you start attacking me, I am in no way diminishing the pain and suffering the African American community has gone through, or is still going through, but you're not a slave and you're white neighbor is not a slave owner. My point is that you should value your heritage and know the history of their triumphs and struggles, but you should also focus on the future and try to make a better world for everyone regardless of color or heritage.

    That said, it pains me to see that people still see color, on both sides of the spectrum. Ignorance will always linger in society, someone will always hate someone else, it's inevitable. It's our job as a new generation to get past this. Jill is entitled to her opinion, but she's older, stuck in her ways. Why should it matter if her "friend" is dating a caucasian woman? He's happy isn't he? That should be the only thing she's concerned about. But, like any other insecure, selfish woman she thinks about herself and then writes an article to gain some attention and sell a few more albums (and I refer to ALL women before you try to bite my head off for calling black women selfish, which im not, so step off). Yeah I said it, this is a publicity sunt, just like everything else in show business.

  285. Aleksandria:

    Let's think about this. Though Caucasian women as you said could not vote or work they were on a damn higher pedestal then black women. So what if they could not vote or work…. they were slaves forced…. key word here…. forced to work. I bet black women in those days would kill to be in the shoes of a caucasian.
    So I repeat though Caucasian's didn't have as many 'rights' as people now days they were much much more privelleged then black women.

  286. Aleksandria:

    Ok, I understand where she is coming from I totally do.I kind of have a feel of where she is coming from, I have seen many many people give my parents the stink eye because they are from different backgrounds.
    Now I must admit, sometimes when I see let's say a black man doing well for himself with a white woman on his arm, a part of me thinks, wasn't a black girl good enough for him, someone of his own background. It's just black women for a long time have always been second best to white women, beauty these days is always based on the looks of a white woman.
    The colour of your skin is just that. Your colour. It doesn't change who you are on

    But then again, it's what you prefer. Who you prefer, how you prefer your women to look like.
    I just know I want the man I marry, not to marry me because of the colour of my skin, or my looks but for who I am as a person and not some trophy on his arm.
    That is my opinion and some people may have different opinions, but thats just what they are. Opinions. Not laws.

  287. UGH:

    it's funny how someone who doesn't support interacial dating is bashed, if that person says anything about "black love" they're labled racist. how is black love any different than interracial love?

  288. wataki2:

    Praise you baby girl XDXD

  289. Alicia:

    I can say that black women use it as a crutch at all, simply put, it is all about acceptance. What we see in media is indicative of status quo, and also in the law. Now the simple fact that the law has changed, it does not mean that public opinion of black women has changed, which is clearly confirmed in media. The "betrayl" that is felt is that, I am good enough for the hardships and struggle and pain, but not for the glory. It's the same feeling that anyone would get after working for something, and not receiving credit.

  290. TrueHipHopHead:

    I agree Jess .. Wholeheartedly with you and this letter .

  291. Kukojin:

    FUCK Jill Scott. No moronic Hollywood diva is going to tell me who I can and cannot love.

  292. moveon2012:

    Girls get over it. Black women should start dating other races and forget about the black man. They are not doing much good in the poor neighbourhood other than having children out of marriage, not paying child support and if you can't find him it is likely they are in jail. Don't forget they are the one who sold black people into slavery. There are lots of other races to choose from.

  293. Lei AK:

    I can understand where she is coming from. It is STILL valid today. Ppl still hold the beauty standard to a white women with long hair. You hear it in hip hop with light-skinned, red-boned, white, etc.

    It's not about being mad a black man is with a white woman. It's about why a lot of ppl of difft ethnicities don't see black women as beautiful. So, when even the "few black men" turn away from black women, that is a message that comes across like, "damn, even they own men don't want em"

    For those who are not black women, they won't understand. I'm mixed. I consider myself a black women because of my experiences but I have looked into many black womens' eyes and seen the pain of not being loved or rejected by society as desirable and NOT just an "angry, black woman".

    No. White woman or any woman that is not black. YOU won't understand this pain is still valid.

    And pls. don't get it twisted. Background, past, history, whatever you want to call it creates repercussions and puts systems in place that may not be there physically anymore but mentally.

    The violence and progress from the civil rights movement for equality (African-American, women, etc.) came to a head in the 60s. Just about 50 yrs has passed and you really expect racism, sexism, etc. completely erased? The ideas and stereotypes of black women that are overgeneralized or just plain ignorant still plague us – and that goes for finding black women attractive, sexy, beautiful.

    So, pray tell me, we can open up to options but did you ever try asking others to open up their minds to dating black women? What white man or non-black man lusts after a Jill Scott or Lauryn Hill? Forget that!! A chic in the hood? Really, be real.

    I get what ppl are saying but damn. Really come at her with more understanding and knowledge before spouting your opinion. You just come off sounding ignorant and that makes me sad for this world. smh.

  294. @prkchoppdnscrwd:

    it does sting ….. i love that queen she speaks real in my book……….

  295. Noor Ali:

    I freed thousands of slaves, I could've freed thousands more if they knew they were slaves. Harriet Tubman Unfortunately, this mentality shall continue, due to self loathing. Also, I'm curious if those white women would even glance at these black men if they had a prison record, no employment prospects, nor housing. When the money is flowing one hears we are all the human race, well let's see how that goes over when he loses his mney.

  296. min:

    I live in England and it is not uncommon to see many black and white couples dating, black men with white women, black females with white males. It doesn't burn me, however I would like to say I don't like a blk man who has NEVER dated a blk woman

  297. annoyed:

    This is disgusting and should not even be brought to where people can see it! I do not understand! A black man can't be with a white girl because what they suffered together? Who suffered? NOT YOU! So should I as a white woman not be with a man period? Did somebody forget to tell this hate spewing woman that women IN GENERAL where held down by men period! We had no rights, nothing was ours it was the men ran everything. Women were beat by men all the time with no repercussions. Black women who feel this way, act as if a white woman took a way a man you could of had, as if they HAVE to be with a black man themselves.Thinking like that is the same as a black man saying I do not date black women…But I guess it only applies when u can use it for your argument. It's just as bad as the white men who feel the same. It's ridiculous and pointless and if u are upset because a black man left you to be with a white women, I'm sure it had more to do with the negative attitude u have more then the color of anyone's skin. Get over it… You love who u daughter is by- racial (while I am now married to a white man, because color of skin doesn't decide who I do or don't love) and people like u make it hard for her to grow up and feel good about who she is and where she came from!

  298. Ms President:

    It is unreal to Americans who never endured the unity of Black men and Black women..Of course you would think Jill is passe' in her thinking but the reality is we as Black women have been there for Black men only to have them spit on us by running to other races to make babies and set up housekeeping. Now we are we are to be cracked on, dogged out and disrespected and yet through all of this we still stand tall and we still can be okay with or without them. It is ashame that a Black man can take all that we have experience and walk forward accepting and never look back at all. Now picture this..they have mothers who endured more to raise them mostly by herself and he is saying to her as are not now nor have you ever been as good as my White, Asian, Hispanic, Brazilian woman..marinate on that!

  299. Ms President:

    Remember she is a Black woman too…truly you bustas need to marinate deeply on that…no one can tell you who to love but you make that choice when you segregate a sector of woman namely your own culture as "not good enough" or calling our kids nappy head…you perpetuate the same stereotyping that has been you essence since birth…try this …drive your vehicle at night and let's see if you really are as special as you seem to feel arrying out of your race…

  300. trose:

    you don't have to read the article. She is speaking the word right in your face. If you are not black, then you can not identify with the pain. I am old school so I am truly offended because I lived it. Smile you are on camera

  301. ANNOYED_with_annoyed:

    YOU as a WHITE WOMAN will never understand how it feels to be rejected by men, let alone men of your very own race bc you don't have the right skin colour. Until the media start deplicting white women as infurior, thirsty gold-diggers, whores or not beatiful in general and when men of all races start to share that same sentiment, THEN you can talk…. Otherwise STFU and have _ !!!

  302. Braden:

    Beyonce ain't black. She'll tell you that's she's creole. Don't even go there with trying to say she's black.

  303. Javon:

    Truth is this: Most black women act like beasts. Screaming and yelling in public. That would shame any man. We've all seen the black woman "chimp out". Y'all started talking loud, then yelling, next screaming, getting in someone's face…all over nothing. No real man would like to be associated with a woman who acts like that. To make matters worse; you're ugly. Yep, I've been curious enough to see a couple of those internet videos and black women are the only naked chicks that make me vomit. There's nothing good that I've seen (as of yet) about black women. Lazy, ugly, fat, bad tempers…yep, nothing good about that!

  304. Miss Jia:

    And you're banned.

  305. katie:

    don't listen to what this dickhead benjamin thinks he knows about being white, cos he's wrong, im white yeah yeah woop for me, and i dont think anyones a whore unless they are cheating on their partner. i dont really appreciate being called a whore in retaliation either – but i'll take it on the chin cos i for one know that when people write shit on the internet claiming to know the TRUTH about what white / black / women / aliens think, they are really only talking about what they themselves think. please dont use stupid posts like this to back up arguments you have about how white people hate black people, cos it just aint true. im from london, england, and things just arent that bad here – mixed race couples really dont catch my eye anyway. and i promise you, theres plenty of white men treating white women like shit too. a lot of english men find sexy latinos or scandinavians attractive, they have darker skin unlike us pale, pasty girls or they're cute and blonde. why do you think half the women in england use ridiculous amounts of fake tan and dye their hair bleach blonde. don't forget everyones always trying to live up to some imagined, unattainable standard or be someone else. i don't wince at any couples, i just smile at the ones that look cute. maybe i dont understand, cos im white. but i'm not gona apologise for that and no-one else should have to either, whoever they are and whoever they are dating.

  306. Sha D:

    If "we" have moved on from this tell all the white folks who have an issue with President Obama. It's 2012 now, they don't seem to realize what century we're in either.

  307. Sha D:

    No disrespect but you sound just as confused as your background. Choose a side! There are so many, I know that's a daunting task. Interracial children are living proof of racial tolerance? To the contrary, my dear. Most interracial kids report, often than not feelings of rejection, identity crises, inner turmoil as a result of their mixed background, even being tormented (primarily by whites, who see them as not just oddities but primarily as "Black" when they themselves don't feel Black) because they are of mixed race. So much for racial tolerance.

  308. A.Davis:

    I must say that I agree with Jill, it doesn't sting me to see black men with white women but it does bother me when black men say they only date white women. It's funny to me because most black men who say they only date white women are not strong enough to be with a sister. In all honesty most black man I see with white women have alot of short comings, so the way I see it's one less dead beat we sisters have to deal with. The white women can have em!

  309. Lauren:

    It's 2012. When are we going to stop holding a grudge for something that happened to people we didn't know, for something that people who are not alive did, and for something that we overcame. I'm a proud brown American woman who does keep an open mind to everything and does live in a world where it is not color but personality. It's tiring to keep hearing the same complaint over and over again. The best way to actually be free of something in the past is to forgive and let go. Most Christians and African American people want a world filled with equality but say things like what Ms. Scott keeping the notion of segregation alive. If we as a people want to be recognized we should be recognized for who we are as people. And why is it that when brown men marry white women its "horrifying" (in a sense of exaggeration) but when a brown woman says "I'm going to to find me a white man" thinking his wealth would hold her down and bring her credit score up no one sees an issue with it? I think people are in love with people. They do not marry because of the color of his or her skin. They marry because they found a person they feel they could have a foundation with. I think it's a little borderline racist and segregationist to say they can't or shouldn't marry another or "the opposite" race. It's time for the world to grow up.

  310. Lauren:

    I think any brown woman who feels this way has her own insecurities about her race. Because if she felt proud about her race her first reaction should have been "it's your lost for missing out on what a good brown woman can give you" instead of her body wincing at the idea of his wife being a white woman.

  311. Chris:

    ….ends it with a just sayin'? Come Jill…you know it's one thing to leverage the past of African-Americans on issues that stand today like racism or injustice but to leverage it against "love" and the fact that he is happily married to a woman he "loves" whether white or not should not apply here. Take away our races, skin color and the "past" and we are all people just the same, capable of loving one another minus some sort of barrier as ignorant as race, color, creed and so on. She seems to be focusing on something she can NEVER change about the past and history and not focusing on…"does he love her unequivocally and without reservations" or "does he hold the institution of family near and dear" which is something this world is lacking. When we keep pulling out all of the stops to find a reason to bring up the past or "wince" about we keep slowing down our progress and you just make yourself bitter…just sayin'.

  312. Trace:

    I am a attactive black woman in my late 30′s but looks much younger. My body is fit and lean. White men love me. It is too bad that I love black men. I just feel like Jehovah God put an extra ump in it when he made the black man. I’ve dated outside my race plenty of times and I’ve learned that my man is a black man. He is my kind, my match. I am from his rib so when he chooses another woman over me from another race when I was there for him before he became successful. It feels worst than a sting, itfeels

  313. Trace:

    It feels like a stab in the gut! I feel my sister Jill Scott on this because we walked the same land. As for the women of other race that has something slick to say about how we feel. You could and will never know where we are coming from because you have never walked in our shoes. I stand with Jill Scott of feeling betrayed. We have suffered and struggled in the past present and in the future. So when my brother finally get a slice of the sky. He put us down and marry white or the other white meat. It burns lile fire! Oh so now I’m not good enough anymore? How dare you?!

  314. Kay:

    btw its audacity not ordasity…

  315. inagreeance:

    Uhm yeah, I agree with what she said. I've always felt that way… I fail to understand how you can stand up and actually be proud of crossing over and not even giving your sisters a chance.

  316. inagreeance:

    Girl shut up!!

  317. @DePharrella:

    im sure he didn't have a dream one day saying " once i get big im gonna get me a white woman so she can watch me pick cotton out yonder "

  318. christian louboutin:

    Jia you know how to stir up trouble and put something on your website that is gonna cause a online fight to break out

    Read More: Open Discussion: Jill Scott's 'Soul Burns' When Black Men Are With White Women « Miss Jia: She ain’t for everybody…

  319. christian louboutin:

    Jia you know how to stir up trouble and put something on your website that is gonna cause a online fight to break out

  320. TruthSage:

    I am an African man, and I think it is necessary to propose a remedy for all the negative "feelings/emotions" on this thread. I understand the natural tendency of most people would be to judge the messanger rather than the message. However, try to seperate yourself from that crowd. You would likely find a path to progress.
    Watch this video:

  321. Ebony:

    I feel Jill Scott is completely right… black men hate to see black women with another race but they are quick to jump the fence. Don't take what you can't dish out. Many of the black men that I know who have or are dating women of another race have said the reason why they are with them is because they are more submissive.

  322. Black Ra:

    It's bums like you who keep thinking that these whiteys love your simple minded behind period!
    I can't stand weak puny as@ lames like you @ all!

  323. Black Ra:

    All you mentally dead ass Negroes, yeah i said it Negroes! think that these devils love and care about you! Yeah that on in particular individual might, but most of that persons race would love to see you dead! Learn to love your own first, before even thinking about loving outside our culture! We are the only race of people who despise each other more than any other group of people!

  324. johanna:

    Jill Scott is entitled to her opinion and beliefs. But this is not the bench mark for measuring all Black women. Color should be irrelevant ! What matter is if you love the person and you have all
    the necessary ingredients to form a healthy union. I am a Black female and my husband is German. Need I say that while traveling all over the world, I have always been approached by caucasian men and various other nationalities. Many of the stereotypical comments noted are not valid in many parts of the world. I am not jealous of anyone that date outside their race, I embrace it ! Why limit your options?

  325. mel:

    You have a very unreal and false sense of reality. That stereotype has been dismantled long ago. If you believe that crap then maybe you need to change your circle of friends.

    Ignorant white people are so insecure….lol.

  326. JayG:

    Sometimes a persons preference does stem from something very negative like being convinced that you and people like you arent as attractive. I think that is the real issue. Being honest about that and admitting it to yourself can be one of the hardest and painful things to do.
    Of course thats not always th case.

  327. I digress:

    As black women we know in our core that many white people in America really feel the way that you do and that is exactly why we don't get the brothas who are constantly running up in your wives, sisters, and daughters.

  328. natural woman:

    I totally agree with Jill Scott…it's not out of Black women feeling victimized or glorifying slavery…it's a true and sad phenomenon that the "majority" of successful Black men are with women not of their race! It raises the question of "why" the "majority" of successful Black men!?!? What has happened to the "natural" desire and affection for a Black woman!?!?

  329. olady:

    David, you are aware that you are a part of the Black Race right? Your father is hispanic and your mother is black, but you are not a Spanaird, meaning European. Therefore, not bi-racial. Hispanic is a mixture created from the slave trade. Race is a term for physical attributes, ethnicity is for cultural attributes. You may enjoying dating women of your race but of different ethnicities however, unless you are dating Caucasian or European women, you are still within your race. I absolutely agree with Jill Scott, of course black women feel disrespected and betrayed by black men that abandon their women for someone that could never understand their struggle yet as soon as they are no longer in the limelight or rich and famous try to come back to the sisters. 2010, 2015, 3030 and it will still be the same. I personally feel as though, if he/she is built for you they will also look like you. By the way, I am Puerto Rican and Black and my husband is also Puerto Rican and Black as are our children. Clarity has been obtained and maintained.

  330. @SighRN:

    TY…look at the news and see these black men attacking and killing IR couples where the women is black..I've seen them say shit and even disrespect white dudes with their own women..but feel it is ok for them to date who ever…so y'all defending this should walk a mile in a bw shoes if she dates out…and it is not for the weak of stomack or body.

  331. tracy:

    Funny I am a black woman who really does not care about black men dating white women, maybe because I date white men and I ve found that ALL men are the same. I just tend to get along with white males better maybe because I am easy going, laid back and enjoy life. I do not like drama or arguing, etc. I stil think black males are gorgeous, and sexy. I just hit it off better with white men. I was also raised upper middle class and I am highly educated so I am in more contact with white males than blacks. And the black males at my level tend to have white girlfriends.
    But one union that I really do not understand is Kanye West and Kim Kardashian that makes absolutely no sense to me but every other interracial couple does not bother me.

  332. thandi:

    I would agree with you if I believed that is what some of the black men thought – my experience has been the opposite. i have been told many times, by black men, that it is easy or is it easier for them to 'deal' with white women because they don't have hang-ups

  333. tiffany:

    I know this article is about two years old. But you have got to be kidding me to say this is a numbers game. Go to any sports game or sports bar, white women swarm around African American men like shark, hundreds of them. I have relatives who are athletes and the white women are at those games after our men like you would not believe. MANY of them also have no respect for a Black couple who is dating. I have actually had experiences at restaurants where they will approach your man and do the same at church.

  334. tiffany:

    I can't even begin to tell you how nasty and evil acting white women have been who date black men, I lived in Minnesota, the interracial dating capital of the world, where 99% of black men date and marry white women only, you would not believe how mean and evil they act on jobs, restaurants and even when you are just out and about in society.

  335. tiffany:

    First of all for you to say who suffered, says you don't know much! All of the statistics and history prove we Brown African Men and Women still suffer from the effects of slavery, when we look at:
    fairness in the justice system, handing down sentences for same crimes, housing, business loans, home loans, medical care my God do we have some evil racist white doctors on the planet, planting of abortion facilities in our neighborhoods, and US the educational system. To list all forms of racism and hatred placed on our race by white people would take at least a year.

  336. tiffany:

    To say our people have not suffered coming from you is not a surprise. It reminds me of many of those same type of people who feel there was never anything wrong with slavery, killing and butchering families who refused to follow massa's orders, splitting up families, making mom and sisters sleep with cousins and uncles to breed more slaves for the plantation. Then if someone spoke out, well we haven't done anything wrong it's just the white way! It's funny how the true history of our people is usually never mentioned in schools or history books, it's not until you are an adult before you really learn what our people went through and why their is still so much hatred coming from the white media, which is controlled by white people.

  337. tiffany:

    Attitude? Sounds like stereotyping to me. By the way you had no rights? You mean to tell me the white women had their name from them? Your hair was shaved off? Your daughters and sons were sold to plantations? Your men were hung from a tree and burned alive? Your sons were hung, you were chased by slave catchers as you tried to get away, with a bounty on your life, you were beaten and whipped with 100 lashes for not being a good slave, if you did not work hard enough in the hot son? You white women had to work for free, which meant you could not provide for your family, you were forced to sleep with massah and perform every unthinkable dispicable act under the son, they raped your children, they sold your son, your daughter, your mom your grand mom, your uncles your cousins, they taught you to hate yourself and your skin color all the while raping you, your sons and daughters. From what history teaches us that was the Brown Exotic women you seem to be so annoyed with.

  338. @JuGoat:

    As a black woman, when I see interracial celebrity couples, I really don't give a shit. Let them be gone's and have their half breed children while the media waits the first chance to hang them out to dry the first time they slip up. I don't see interracial couples in public because 1. I don't look for them and 2. I don't care enough to even notice them; they are none of my concern.

    There's millions of people of the black race from America to Africa that need tending to, and we don't have time and we don't need to be stopping to be minding what those few, who have chose to "opt out" are doing; smile, congratulate them and keep it moving. They have nothing to contribute to the cause because if they try to contribute trying to tell black people what they should be doing while married to a white person, they will look like hypocrites and no one will take them seriously. Not my rule but that's just the hard-boiled reality of it once they involve themselves in an interracial relationship. Many black people who have been terrorized by white people in their lives, will see them with what they consider "the enemy" and then write them off.

    If they don't care, want out, or see themselves as not apart of the effort, then so be it. Who cares. I'll still respect them as a person, but they are of no concern to me and I will definitely not be losing sleep at night over it.

    Black people, including YOU Jill Scott, need to stop pouting about petty things and spend your brain cells on issues that matter. Interracial couples aren't one of them.

  339. Joselito:

    This is so stupid especially in this time and age. She is completely racist and unjustified. Slavery was in the passed and people who were not around or know anyone personally that was a slave alsways bring this point up. It is the Black culture that always plays the slavery or racist card. Get over it and be happy. I am a minority; hispanic and gay! I feel love for everyone in the world. YOU SHOULD TOO!
    Extremely disappointed with Jill's comment.

  340. bobo:

    that was stupid dumb ass

  341. BoBo:

    fall back homo

  342. BoBo:

    you are such a weak ass. its brothers like you that cant see the forest for the trees.
    all you worried about is your next smash with some dumb ass regardless of the facts.

  343. BoBo:

    benjamin go fuck yourself. Jim Crow

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